1437 - I Love You Forever

46.

— TW // Mentioning death

*****

(Giandra)

—

I thought staying at Jagad's place would keep me away from unexpected things. But it turned out what I thought was wrong. Like this morning after Jagad left for the hospital and left me in the apartment alone.

I placed a glass of tea that I had just made on the table before wiping my half-wet hands on the bottom of my t-shirt. Don't judge me! I was too nervous.

"Giandra, udah baikan?"

I just nodded.

"Jangan berdiri dong." The woman who was sitting at the dining table in Jagad's apartment laughed before inviting me to sit.

"Maaf, ibu, saya nggak tahu ibu mau berkunjung."

I cursed to myself, remembering what happened about ten minutes ago when I heard the sound of the apartment bell ring several times. It was clear in my mind how I woke up half asleep when I opened the door and found a middle-aged woman dressed in a gray suit. She had wonderfully blown-out hair that fell just above her shoulders.

It took me a split second to recognize the beautiful face in front of me as Jagad's stepmother.

I mentally cursed him for failing to inform me sooner that his mother would be coming to visit.

"Apartemennya Jagad nyaman?"

I nodded again. I was not sure what to say, to be honest.

The woman chuckled before taking a sip of her tea. "Thank God if the apartment is comfortable."

I just smiled a little before silence fell between us.

THE WORDS WON'T COME OUT! Even though we had met before. I felt like crying in my head.

THIS SILENCE IS SO BRUTAL!

What shall I do? Perhaps she was upset? Perhaps she genuinely dislikes me being in her son's room when he is away?

"Terima kasih ya sudah mau dekat dengan Jagad."

Huh?

"Kamu pasti bingung kenapa saya bilang gini." She said before taking another drink of her tea. "Saya masih ingat waktu saya bertemu dia. Setahun sebelum saya menikahi ayahnya."

Her eyes seemed serene and affectionate as she cast a lovely gaze my way.

"Saya ingat anak itu seperti kehilangan sinar kehidupan. Pelan-pelan saya coba untuk mendekatinya."

"Lalu?" I reflexively asked.

When I reacted to her story, her eyes appeared to shine.

"Syukurlah setelah beberapa tahun dia mulai terbuka sama saya. Agni juga sayang sekali sama dia." She gave me another glance. "It feels amazing, right?"

I blinked several times. Confused by the question.

"Disayang sama Jagad."

Without realizing it, my eyes started to feel fuzzy as I nodded. I didn't know when, but tears have started to gather in my eyes.

"Sorry." I touched my eyes.

She laughed again.

"It's okay." She drew closer to me to grip my hand before dabbing her tissue across my eyes. Her perfume wafted into my nostrils from her clothes.

Khas wangi ibu-ibu kaya.

"Some people don't believe in love. True love. Jagad too." She cleared her throat. "He used to think that it could only be discovered in the rusty pages of old, dusty novels. that it was created solely from the author's imagination and fantasy, nothing more."

Well. I didn't blame him either. I found the novel's portrayal of love to be generally annoying since I believed it to be overly dramatic. I thought it was too lovely to be true because it was painted to be perfect. There were no absolutes in this world, nor was there such a thing as "too good," or was there? Maybe there was; there could be; I didn't know.

"However, now I believe he has found an entirely novel thing to hold onto. Someone to lean on. Someone to hold on to."

As she turned to face me and grinned, I could feel the heat rising across my face. She was aware of my shame. Because I was positive that I was the "someone" she meant.

"He discovered a new world. Quite different from the world he was used to. Or so he believed—a world without suffering, hopelessness, and deceit." She gave my hand a light squeeze. "He appears to have forgotten that there once was such a world. I know he was deeply in love with you."

I could see her eyes were teary. What made me sure is that the love she has for Jagad, I dared to say, was as great as the love of his biological mother.

Tears were slowly sliding down my face as I fought through the thoughts of him losing his mother at such a young age. I was sitting here, evoking his laughter, his smile, and his touch that brought happiness to me.

But did I bring him any happiness?

"You bring happiness to him. Indeed." She spoke between her grins as if she had read my mind. "As a man of science with habit and routine, he likes the sense of order this affords him. He prefers things that are measurable and predictable. The unexpected annoyed him. He struggled to adjust to change and did not enjoy when plans changed because it invariably resulted in a loss of control. Anything that he couldn't predict didn't win him over. But with you, he might act differently than he usually would. Falling in love was the only bit of rebellion he got that made his world up and down."

I felt her grip getting stronger.

"That child, after his mother passed away, had such great determination to become a doctor. He wanted to be a doctor who saved human lives. Or at least extend it a little bit longer. And he always will. I remember how he studied hard and rarely spent his time with his friend."

The strong and typically alluring scent of Jagad's apartment had a very depressing feeling to it. The jasmine, oranges, and vanilla, which usually come out so sweet, felt nauseating, mixed with sorrow that should have been pushed away a long time ago.

"Thank you, Giandra. For accepting my 'child'."

The way she emphasized the word child made me feel breathless. I knew that her affection for Jagad was so big.

I couldn't fathom what happened to Jagad after his mother passed away, and Bu Mara witnessed everything firsthand. Experiencing the loneliness and anxiety that come from being a 12-year-old child.

"Thank you for looking after Jagad and raising him into a gentle and caring man, Bu." I couldn't hold back my desire to hug her.

My chest felt warm knowing that the people around him were so full of love. And I could also feel the love he received from his family.

I was beyond grateful to have met his mother today, and I guess things like this weren't so bad either.