Meant To Be.. (kenjorine)

changing rooms

(butters pov)

Its been already a year since I've been here! (I did a major timeskip I know) I finish up those stupid daily prayers where we apologize for sinning and sigh. I get called up by one of the counselors to go to the office.. but why? I've been to the office multiple times, but I didn't do anything this time! I walk in and see Pete sitting in one of the chairs. Not surprised, he's always in here. I sigh and take a seat. Gary (the head person in charge at this camp) starts shuffling through papers. Then he looks at us.
"Butters is this freak corrupting your mind?" My eyes widen, "what?!" He sighs, "one of our employees caught you wearing makeup and girl clothes in your room yesterday. Pete's eyes widen and he looks at me. I look around the room nervously, "it was.. it was a dare!" I say. He sighs, "maybe. But it was more than once we caught you butters. What are you thinking?! We taught you better than to.. than to cross dress!! And the same goes for you Alice. Telling everyone your a boy?! This is why we made you grow your hair out."
Pete looks like he's gonna cry. My heart aches for him. I look back at the counselor. "What are you gonna d-" Pete interrupts me, "you know what?! We are trans. We don't feel comfortable in our bodies and you- YOUR MAKING TEENS MORE DESPRESSED!! We just want to dress how we want, and if it means butters wearing "girly" or so you say, clothes and wear makeup then so fucking what?!" I look at Pete in disbelief. He's just gonna get me in more trouble, and I never even came out to him. He shouldn't have done that.
I just sit in my seat, even more uncomfortable than before. Gary looks at me, "we are changing you and Petes rooms. You'll be switching. We have never done this before, but we just can't have you.. cross dressing. Also butters your cutting your hair." My eyes widen, "no please! I won't cross dress!" He shakes his head, "you need to have hair at least up to your shoulders, that's our only rule. We are being flexible with you!" I sigh, that's fine.. "okay. Okay.." I say. I felt happy when I looked more like a girl.. now I can't do that anymore. I guess I do have feminine clothes.. but Riley can actually make me look like a girl!
Fuck..

(Kenny's pov)

(Gonna be sharing how I've been feeling basically through his pov)

I've waited a year and yet butters hasn't came back like he said he would.. I know I'm impatient but.. I'm worried as shit. I've talked to stan and kyle and apparently butters won't respond to anybody. It's weird.. and it's affecting me. I haven't been doing well in school. No. Not at all.. the worst thing is, I've accidentally gotten a girlfriend when I was drunk last month.. and now I'm cheating.
I don't love her, but she brings me a little bit of happiness. Happiness I can't afford to lose.. cause I already lost my main source.. butters. I love that boy so much, and I know we are young and things can change. But goddamnit I'm convinced he's my soulmate. But maybe not now. It's almost like he's gone. Erased from my life. All my happiness has gone with it.

(Mentions of suicidal thoughts)

School because of this has been a nightmare.. I've shut my friends out, Im behind in all my classes, I'm failing, school makes me want to die. But of course I have this stupid curse.. I wish I could kill myself just so I can't deal with getting up in the morning. I've actually haven't been to school in 2 weeks. I'm just avoiding it at ALL costs. It's also the last 2 months of school.. so that's obviously not good..
I'm just a failure. I've been one ever since my love left me. And I know I sound like a loser, and I fucking hate myself for getting all depressed like this. But it's just so hard.. everything is so hard. Having human interaction is fucking hard. The only person I can really actually talk to is sadly my girlfriend, and I don't even love her..
Everything is so hard. I don't even think I'm gonna pass this year. I'm gonna stay a failure, just like my stupid parents. I guess it was my fate?

Please butters.. please come back.. I think as I stare at my ceiling. Tears running down my face for the millionth time. What if he died..? NO! I can't think that. But it's a possibility.. my heart aches. He always made things better when I felt bad, he was always so sweet and gentle with me.. I want that again.. I haven't been the best person since he left and it's only been a year. That just proves my point.

I'm a failure and I want to die.

(This chapter was NOT that good but I needed to kinda vent. And I vented through my story, don't worry once I get back into posting I'll be better with my chapters!)