Learning to live

Learning to live: winter sun

A few hours later after I signed the papers peeta was being prepped for surgery. The forms scared me I had to admit. Dr Sloan reassured me they had to say what they did Incase peeta didn't make it and I wanted to sue the hospital. I basically signed peeta's life away. By this time all our friends had found out, and my mum had brought Luca to the hospital. Everybody wanted to be there Incase the worst happened. Dr Sloan told me the operation would last a little over 5 hours if everything went well. I sat with all my friends mostly in silence waiting to hear something good. Thankfully i had not been sick in the past couple of days and only johanna Annie and gale knew i was pregnant. I felt bad that I hadn't told my mum about me and peeta having a baby and knew she would be upset if she found out from someone else. However now was not the time to tell her. I didn't want anybody else knowing before peeta. I know my mother would be different I'm supposed to tell her before anyone but i had grown away from her. My friends were closer to me now. They were my family. Obviously I loved my mother and wanted to be close again but circumstances had changed us.
Shouting came from down the corridor between two random people I had never seen before. I didn't have the energy to listen or tell them to take it somewhere else. I felt mentally and physically drained. I hadn't slept in over 36 hours my head hurt and my full body ached, I could feel my eyes dropping. I couldn't fall asleep not now anyway.
"How you doing?" Gale asked me.
"Fine considering" forcing a smile I told him.
"Good, why didn't you tell me about the baby?" He whispered.
"It wasn't the right time" I shrugged.
"Yeah he will be fine you know" he looked me right in the eye with out blinking.
Sighing I said "Yeah I hope so"
"Come on catnip you know so"
I looked up from the ground, gale hadn't called me that in for so long.
I smiled at him not knowing what else to say to him.
"Thanks I needed that"
"You hungry?" Johanna asked walking up to us.
"Actually yeah" I confessed.
"Wanna order in?"
I looked at her confused "to a hospital?"
"Well yeah why wouldn't they?"
I had to laugh at her. I still felt worried sick about peeta on that operating table but moping around starving myself would not change what would be happening in that O.R.
"Soooo Chinese or Indian?" Johanna eagerly asked.
"Whatever" I shrugged.
"Hey everyone, are you all hungry?" She shouted through the corridor.
Everyone and I mean everyone said yes.
"Right well we're ordering Chinese, I'll send a piece of paper down, you write what you want on it"
Everyone had placed their orders and the sheet made its way to me. I decided I would order my usual. Even though peeta shared it with me because I could never handle it on my own. I wrote down salt and pepper chicken, chips, egg fried rice, duck and spring rolls. Johanna stared at me.
"You sure you ordered enough there hun?" She asked me sarcastically.
"Funny"
Johanna walked away to place the order. I lay down on the floor the coldness of it spreading across my back. The winter sun was the brightest I had seen in a while. I took a look at my watch, December 21st, almost Christmas. Peeta's favourite time of year. Even if peeta woke up after his operation Christmas wouldn't be the same. We would have no Christmas dinner, he always made it none of us could cook as good as peeta. Even if we did it wouldn't be the same it would feel wrong. I guess we would be ordering takeaway. I lay there on my own for a while until Annie lay down next to me.
"Beautiful isn't it" she said.
I assumed she was speaking about the sky. "Prettiest thing I've seen in a long while" I replied.
He tone of voice changed "awful isn't it"
I rolled over in my side knowing what she was talking about. "I don't know what to do" I weakly lowered my voice.
"I know" she lowered hers too. "You will get through it though"
"Yeah" I sighed. "I might do"
"No you will do, it will be okay and if it isn't you will find a way to make it okay"
She grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly. We both looked back up to the brightly lit sky and I knew that peeta would make it.