Will She Be Like This Forever?

Chapter 18

MASSIVE TW FOR THIS!

(miscarriage is mentioned)

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I opened my mouth to scream and shout,

I waved my arms and flapped about

But I couldn't scream, and I couldn't shout,

scream and I couldn't shout.

Florence and the machine

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Tuesday 3rd August 2021

England Training.

Today was training for England, and only time I would see the girls for the next two months as Sarina wasn't doing training next month. It was the start of preseason, and she wants us all focused on our club for that month before we are back. I was actually grateful of that because I really needed to start focusing again. Being in two squads is challenging, mentally and physically. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute of being in both of them.

The past week, my stomach has still felt strange, but I have learnt to ignore it now. Every now and then it proper feels weird to the point I can't ignore it, but that is only sometimes. I woke up today at 7 and jumped in the shower as I messaged Katie.

Katie💓

Morning mama! Can you do me a favour and put some toast out and a tea so I can quickly have them before I leave? Thank you. I love you xx

Yeah of course babe. Will be done in 5. I will have it on the counter for you when you come down. Love you too xx

I washed my body and my face before grabbing my England tracksuit out of my wardrobe and chucking it on, before putting my hair in a low ponytail. I brushed out my lashes which I really had to redo as there was like 5 lashes left and put on moisturizer before chucking the rest of my limited daily makeup in my bag, along with my pink blanket, a jumper, shorts, and deodorant. My usual bag.

I ran downstairs, chucking my bag near the door and sitting on the table, eating my toast, and drinking my tea as Katie walked over.

"Excited?" she asked as she saw me constantly checking my phone for messages off Leah.

"Yes, I am. I can't wait to see Millie and Rach again oh my gosh."

As soon as I said that I got a message from Leah.

Captain⭐

Pulling up now. See you soon love! Xx

I quickly ran to the kitchen, placing my dishes in the dishwasher as I ran to the door and chucked my sliders on. "Bye mama. Tell mumma I said bye too!" I said as I closed the door quickly and jumping into the back seat of the car.

"Hey trouble!" Beth called from the driver's seat, as Lotte and Leah greeted me. I was so excited for this training session, but my stomach was playing up again. I ignored it of course. We played Ben Platt songs the whole way there, me singing every single song as I knew them all off by heart.

We pulled up to SGP and I into the changing rooms, until it genuinely hurt. I was in the room with Lucy and Keira but no one else was there. I toppled over in discomfort, clutching my stomach as I groaned. I quickly got up though as Lucy came over to me. "Are you okay mon ange?" she spoke.