Will She Be Like This Forever?

Chapter 47

A voice that says, "I'll be here"

And "you'll be alright"

Ryan Gosling & Emma Stone

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Thursday 10th February 2022

Why did I do that?

It is 2am. My flight is in 24 hours. What am I currently doing? Drinking in a club with Mapi.

I'm not just with Mapi, it's okay. I'm with Alexia, Aitana and Jana. We all went out for dinner last night, and one thing just led to another. I have been so happy here, seriously. Nothing has made me sad; I mean there has been the occasional nights where I end up thinking about everything and some thoughts come back, but I can ask for help now. Whether that is from Tana, Mapi, Ale, Lucy, or Keira.

Anyway, back to now.

I am in a club wearing one of Aitana's dresses, drunk, singing and dancing. Clearly all the girls found it hilarious as they kept taking photos and videos of me and laughing; I didn't care though; I was having a wonderful time.

I saw Mapi, Aitana and Alexia talking to each other just a few steps away from where me and Jana were dancing. A sexy song came on and I wrapped my arms around Jana and started dancing with her; I had no feelings, obviously, and neither did she as she is dating Jill, but the dancing got really... provocative – if that's the right word.

Ale saw and came over to us. "Come on, come with us." she laughed, taking me over to the rest of the girls, Jana following behind. "I wanted to danceeeee." I dragged. "Dance with us." Mapi smiled, and I walked through the circle straight to her. "Dance with me." she whispered as I stood in front of her.

"Mapi?" I smiled, which made her tilt her head a little, basically telling me to carry on. "Come with me." I took her hand and dragged her outside of the club, down a little alley. "Yes?" She asked as we stood in front of each other. "You make me happy." I smiled; my hands slung over her neck. "You are drunk." She laughed, and I nodded. "Yes, I am, but you still make me happy whether I am drunk or not." I slightly slurred.

"Let's go back inside babe." She said, holding my hand, but I wanted to ask her something first. "Mapi, wait." I said and she stopped. "The other day when I was going to sleep, you called me 'mi amor'." I whispered. None of us had talked about that because she thought I was asleep already.

"You heard that, huh?" She looked down. I put my fingers under her chin, and slowly made her look at me. "I did..." I whispered and moved my hand to the top of her chest. "I- Lauren. We should- We need to go back inside." She stuttered, making me move my hand from her chest to her waist. "Why? I want to stay with you." I slurred again.

"We can't have another one of those moments. We can't do it. Come on, let's go dance." She smiled, but I didn't want to.

"I wanna go home." I whispered, taking my hand off her waist and looking down as I took a step back. "You're going back home tomorrow, love. You'll be home in no time." She smiled, reaching for my hand. Even when she made a slight connection with it, I still looked down.

"No, I wanna go home. Back to Tana's. I don't want to be out anymore." I whispered. This time Mapi placed her fingers on my chin and made me look at her. "How come? I mean, we can go home, but why?" she asked. "Because, if I stay here-" I had so much I could say right now. That I wouldn't be able to control myself, that I'll say things I don't want to say, that I'll do something I shouldn't do... all of it. "Never mind. I'll stay." I said with a slight smile.