Will She Be Like This Forever?

Chapter 99

When you think you feel it but you don't really know

What do you call it?

Can't help overthinking

Every, "What if, is it a phase? Will I get over it?"

Like, "What if things change, what if I'm fake?

What if it's all just for the hell of it?"

Beth McCarthy

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Monday 29th August 2022

I'm So Confused.

Sitting in the lounge, wanting nothing else but to kiss my girlfriend, was the worst feeling ever. There were so many people here, which meant I couldn't kiss her, hold her, be too close to her, but I think that was a good thing secretly. "Look at your phone, nena." Mapi whispered and I stopped reading my book that I brought and got my phone out of my pocket. 

Mapi🌹

I want to kiss you.

She read my thoughts.

I want to kiss you too...

Come to the bathroom with me? X

Oh, she's cheeky.

Fine by me.

We both got up, walking to the bathroom together as I held her bag, and as soon as she was in there, she pulled me into a stall and locked it before kissing me softly. "I love your kisses." I giggled very quietly in case there was anyone else in there. "I love your kisses too." She smiled, kissing me again, slowly, but softly.

Our mouths moved in unison very sweetly before we pulled away and she put her head on my shoulder. "Hug for a little?" I whispered and she nodded. I wrapped my arms around her, and she reciprocated, and I felt her cry a little, her shoulders moving.

"What's up, mi amor?" I whispered in her ear, but she didn't reply, just keeping her head on my shoulder. "Baby?" I whispered, lifting her head up and wiping her tears as she closed her eyes. "Can you talk to me?" I asked and she shrugged. "That's okay. Take your time." I whispered, kissing the top of her head.

It took a good two minutes for her to speak up, and when she finally did, it broke me. "Habría sido mamá... (I would have been a mum...)" She whispered, still crying. "I know, mi amor. I know... It's a lot for us to handle, but I promise that we will keep talking about it, just like we do all the time, and I promise that this won't be the only time you get to be a mama, okay?" I asked and she nodded.

"Open your eyes for me, princesa." I whispered and she opened her eyes, looking up at me. "I love you, okay? I love you so much. Talk to Lucy and Keira about it if you need to. I'll let them know about the miscarriage." I whispered and she just nodded again. "Promise me that you won't keep it inside? You'll talk about it?" I asked and she held out her pinkie for me to shake, which I did. "I'll talk to them..." She whispered and I nodded, kissing her head again. "Okay, baby. Okay." I smiled and she kissed my shoulder as she put her head on my shoulder again.

We cuddled for a few more minutes until we had to go sit back down. I held her hand until we got outside of the bathroom. We walked together back to our seats, and we both looked out the window as she spoke again. "Ojalá pudiéramos ser públicos... (I wish we could be public.)" She whispered and I immediately looked at her.