Will She Be Like This Forever?

Chapter 52

I'm all choked up, I cannot talk

I've got a fucked up brain, fucked up thoughts.

Thought I was okay but then I guess not.

I hope you know this is your fault.

Sophiemarie.b

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Sunday 6th March 2022

My little girl.

Another game day... wooooh. I can never tell if I'm excited for game days or not, because I feel so nervous all the time.

I woke up in mine and Evie's room, still weirdly tired. I normally wake up decently awake but today was just not it. Evie wasn't here; well, she was here, just downstairs. I had a migraine as soon as I woke up and my legs were in pieces. There was no reason for it because nothing has happened to cause this. I wanted to go back to sleep for a little bit but as soon as I closed my eyes, my mind started racing again. 

E❣

Can you come up?

Yeah babe. You alright?

Just... come see me?

Once I sent that last text, I put my phone back on the bedside table and heard footsteps coming up the stairs. "Good morning, baby." she whispered, walking over to my side of the bed, and sitting next to my chest, her legs placed on the floor. "We don't keep anything from each other?" I asked and she looked confused. "Can I tell you how I'm feeling?" I whispered and she nodded, holding my hand. "My leg." I hoped she caught on and just stayed silent.

"I know what you mean. Look at me." she spoke, and I did, looking up at the pretty girl sat in front of me. "It's okay to still think about it, and still feel the need to do it, and I'm so glad you told me. Do you have anything that you could do it with?" she asked, and I nodded. She had no reaction, just spoke to me again. "Where are they?" she asked.

"Top drawer." I whispered, now not wanting to look at her. She got up and placed a little kiss on my head, before walking over to my drawer and finding a little pouch where I kept everything. "This?" she asked, and I nodded. She pulled out what I could have used and took them downstairs. I wanted to cry knowing I couldn't do it again, but I also felt really relieved that they weren't there anymore.

She came back a few moments later and sat next to me again. "They're gone, and if you buy anymore, tell me please." she whispered and I nodded, tapping the side of the bed so she could lay down next to me. "Anything else you want to tell me?" she asked, and I shook my head.

"Our game is at 1pm today, remember. It's only 6am now and we don't have to be at the ground until 11. Do you want to stay here and watch a movie?" she asked, looking at me as she laid on her side. "Yeah, I do. Are you starting today?" I whispered, completely forgetting the lineup. "Yeah, I am. Right back, which is good. You going to cheer for me again?" she smirked, and I nodded. "Always."

We put on a movie and cuddled up. Katie had called me but because my phone was on silent, I didn't hear it. About 20 minutes later, we heard a knock on the door. "I'll get it." Evie spoke and I just laid there, still tired. "Lauren?!" I heard Katie shout as she walked up the stairs. "Yeah, what's up? You alright?" I sat up in my bed and saw her face with tears on it.