Will She Be Like This Forever?

Chapter 44

Some day, sweet as a song

Charlie's lucky day will come along

Till that day you've got to stay strong Charlie

Up on top is right where you belong

Diane Sowle

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Also, a massive TW for these next few chapters. Themes of self-harm and suicide talk.

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Sunday 23rd January 2022

Her? Really?

Game day... against Manchester City. This is going to be hard.

We stayed in the Leonardo Hotel last night, after travelling up from the training centre, and I was rooming with Leah; Evie was with Jordan as Jonas said it would be good for the couples to be away from each other for the night and let us get our head in the game. I think that's quite smart to be honest, but it felt weird not sleeping next to my girlfriend.

Tomorrow, I'm moving into her house, which is quite scary and a big move, but I know it'll work out.

It was 4am and I woke up too early, considering our game was at 8:45pm. It was a late game, which meant it would be very cold, but I liked late games; the atmosphere was always better in my opinion. We were meant to wake up at 8, to have breakfast, but I couldn't sleep properly for some reason. I had my pink blanket, and my photo of me, Katie, and Rue, but I just couldn't. I tossed and turned basically the whole night.

I walked into the bathroom with a change of clothes, quickly getting changed and feeling fresh. I saw my razor in my bag and back came the same thoughts I have had the past few days. 'If you start again, can you control it?' ... 'Will it hurt the same way it did before?'... 'Do you want to feel that pain again?' Before the thoughts could get too loud, I walked back to my bed.

I grabbed my phone and turned the brightness down, putting my airpods in and scrolling through TikTok. I grew a little tired again, so I went on Spotify, put some songs on and put my phone down, keeping my airpods in and closing my eyes.

I was listening to Louis Tomlinson, as my air pods announced a message.

"Mapi🌹 sent a message that cannot be read"

I chuckled to myself lightly, as I always found it funny when my airpods said that; it must mean it's in Spanish. I picked up my phone and looked at what she sent. 

Mapi🌹

Buena suerte en tu juego de hoy, espero que ganes. X          (Good luck in your game today, I hope you win x)

Thank you Mapi. Porque estas despierta?        (Why are you awake?)

Had a funny dream.

Funny or sad?

Sad.

Háblame.      (Talk to me.)

You don't want to know.

I do. Tell me, babe.

It was about you...