Will She Be Like This Forever?

Chapter 53

If you only knew how scared I was to tell you

Built it up so much in my head that I let you down

If you only knew the pain I put my heart through

Living a lie for a life can be tiring, so I choose the truth

Cat Burns

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Monday 14th March 2022

Hello again.

Game dayyyyyyyyyyy. Wooh! However, this one is a little different; Katie's family is coming up from Ireland for a week. I say Katie's family but it's obviously not all of them. Lauryn is coming though, which I am extremely excited for because I do genuinely miss her. I haven't talked to her as much as I would have liked, but with everything going on, it was difficult.

Speaking of everything going on, I have kind of just blocked myself off. I refuse to talk about that day and pretend it never happened, which is kind of causing some tension between me and Evie. Don't get me wrong, I'm back home with her, and we kiss and cuddle and fuck and pretend everything is fine, but it's... not. I know she wants to talk about it but there isn't anything to talk about.

She got up this morning and walked downstairs, thinking I was asleep. Once she was downstairs for about 5 minutes, I got up and jumped in the shower, washing my hair and body in prep for this game. The game was at 6:45pm today, but as it was an away game, we needed to be at the training centre super early. It took an hour and a half to get to the stadium from the centre, and we also had game day prep, which meant we needed to be at the training grounds at 10. It was 8am now so we had time, but I didn't want time. I just wanted to go.

"Hey babe. Can I come in?" Evie knocked on the door and I replied, saying she could. She was coming in just as I was getting out anyway, so it wasn't that much of a deal. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me as she began brushing her teeth. I walked over to her and stood behind her, placing a little kiss on her cheek, making her smile.

I walked out of the bathroom and started getting ready in my outfit that I chose out yesterday. It was only joggers and a cropped shirt as I didn't want to be that... fancy?

I blow-dried my hair as I sat in my shirt and underwear on the floor of our bedroom, seeing my girlfriend walk out of the bathroom, sitting on the bed and looking at me. She was laid on her front, her hands propping her up as she smiled. I turned off my blow-dryer. "What are you smiling at?" I looked at her through the mirror. "You."

I turned around facing her. "Why?" I smiled. "Because you're so... you." she chuckled. "I am, can you believe it?" I stood up, laughing and sat on the bed next to her. "Say it." I spoke, holding my hand in hers as we didn't look at each other. "Can I?" she whispered. "We don't keep anything from each other." I turned to look at her and she nodded.

"How come she can get you out of it, and I can't?" she whispered, showing she was sad. "I wish I could tell you. It's not because of what happened between us, or anything to do with you. It's strange but she can just get something out of me that no one else can. I haven't told her about anything that happened to me, except my mum and sister, but it just... I don't even know. I'm so sorry." I wanted to cry now.

"Don't apologise. I don't have a problem with it, and I would happily have you call her every day if it means you're okay; I just wanted to know what it was about her." she smiled, looking at me as I looked at the floor. "Baby?" she asked, and I just nodded. "Can you look at me?" she whispered, and I did. "I love you, so much. Like so very much. That's why I asked you to move in with me, that's why I want to spend every second with you, why I hold you like I do when we fall asleep. I want you to love me like that too." that made me turn my head to her properly.