Will She Be Like This Forever?

Chapter 62

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you

Rascal Flatts

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Monday 9th May 2022

What do you need to talk to him about?

It was the last game of the season yesterday, and we won, but it still meant that Chelsea won the league which I am quite... upset about. I can't help but think it was my fault for being out a bit of the season, and I could've helped them get higher in the WSL. I think Leah and Katie realised how I felt because after the game, even though everyone was celebrating that we won the game 2-0 against West Ham, I just wanted to leave and go home and be with the Barca girls and just... shut off.

That's what I did. I asked Mapi to come and pick me up from the training ground, and I went home, congratulating everyone on the win, but as soon as I got in Mapi's car, I cried. I just didn't like the feeling of losing and the feeling of not... I don't know, not being my best self I guess. Mapi comforted me the rest of the day and night, but it got so bad that she had to call Lucy and Keira too come and look after me.

I like Mapi looking after me, a lot, but there's a way the two other women look after me that just... fits more. The way Mapi looks after me is very loving and caring, but the girls know what to say and how strict to be with me. Lucy told me to get it together and that losing is a part of life and I can't win in everything, which I guess makes perfect sense. Mapi is a very... 'It's okay, my love. I'm sure you will win the next league.' type girl... you know?

I woke up this morning, doing the same old routine. Even though the league is finished, I can't get out of the routine because I still have the Euros. We have recovery today at 1-3 which is good because after yesterday's game, we need it. I asked Leah to pick me up a little earlier because I need to talk to Jonas... and it's quite serious.

It came to about 11:30 and Leah said she was on her way, which meant she would be here in the next 10 minutes. I put my phone in my pocket and got out of Mapi's arms where we were sat on the sofa. "Time to do it." I whispered, looking at Aitana. "You going to tell him what you told me last night?" Alexia asked and I nodded. "I don't know how to, but I think that's why I've got Leah. I know she knows what's best for me. I'm so scared though." I spoke, standing up. "You'll do great babe. Whatever happens, we have got you." Mapi spoke, standing up with me and walking me to the door. "I know. I really know." I hugged her just as I heard Leah's car. "I've got this." I whispered to myself, making everyone else nod.

I got in Leah's car, smiling and still scared. "How come you needed to talk to Jonas?" she asked; Leah doesn't know. "You'll find out when we get there, but I need you to support me." I spoke and she nodded. "Always."

We pulled up and I got out slowly, debating if I should actually do this or not. I shouldn't really... but I really really want to; and when you want something, you have to go for it. I walked into his office, hand in hand with Leah, and he let me sit down in front of him.

"So, what did you want to talk about today?" he asked, and I looked down at my hands, starting to twiddle them.

"Well, I..."

After the meeting, it was recovery time. Leah was still holding my hand, and was proud of me, but shocked at what I just talked about... me too, to be honest. We walked into the common room, where my mam was sat with Evie; uh oh. "Hi mam." I smiled, walking over to her and hugging her. "Hey kid, I missed you." she spoke and I hugged her tighter. "I missed you too, so much. I'll come home soon, but I can't tell you how much fun I'm having with Mapi and Tana and all the other girls. It's so good." I smiled and Katie pulled back. "As long as you're happy." she spoke and I nodded, walking away and straight past Evie, not even acknowledging her. I know that's slightly petty, and I still have a bit of feelings, but it's time to focus on me and only me.