Dazed Off

first love's sincerity

Everything I knew was a lie.
I know you are to blame.

I thought I could only find you
when I was at risk—
locked in prison with soaked bedsheets
and bleeding wrists.

I thought I could only embrace you in daydreams,
seeing life in your eyes at noon—
refusing to look,
yet unable to look away.
My puffy eyes are everything but pretty, so stop calling me that.

Like venom,you were dangerous—slipping toward the tender nerves of my thighs,
teaching my body how to ache for you.
My cloudy mind grew feverish with your poisonous smile.

You tucked my void beneath your tongue
like it was something to outgrow.
You never filled the empty space—only laughed beside the hollow
until even I let it go.

I thought impossible, you are.
Someone as ruined as me
and someone as daring as you
met eyes, thinking: so pretty.

Like galaxies, forever we swore.
My void became yours;
you drove me crazy
in all the ways I wished to be.

I know you are to blame.
You made me lie with your sincerity.

I never found you at the seashore,
waves storming through your hair.
I guess you were too pretty—no scene could ever compare.

I never found you
in constellations or movie endings.

I found you here:
in the lie that suffering beautifully
meant suffering less.

I never found you because I found myself.

I think
I have always longed
to be known.

a/n: uhhhh... yeahh and I mistook
being desired for being known