Dazed Off

selfishness has its own karma

The sound of the raindrops falling on the rooftop, like a rifle gun attacking me, while the wind freezes me to death— climbing its way through the window, through my skin that is slowly turning blue.
Even if I guard myself with a bunch of thick blankets— trying so hard to erase the fact that I am alone, I've got no one to hug or to hold hands with.

Pillows surrounding me, soaked with cries, with tears, with saliva that spells, "Where are you?!" every time I scream.

My mind is full of doubt, self-hatred, and regret— almost as if I am being tortured.

Voices speaking all at once. I am trying to hear, to understand what they are saying: "Sorry, can you say that one more time?"

"She left you because you cling too much and became a burden. You're aware of it, aren't you?"

"No, he's my hero...my savior. She isn't like them—"

"Even though you knew how she felt—you knew she grew sick of your sickness—you still stayed, didn't you?"

A killer smile, killing me with painful truths I never wanted to admit.

I... I never wanted to feel that unbearable loneliness, that emptiness, ever again.

But here I am, hearing the sound of the raindrops falling on the rooftop like a rifle gun attacking me, while being killed by my own mind.