Resurgent~ Back again

Chapter 67

Tobias POV
"Peace I leave you with; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." The preacher man talks as we all gather around the casket, the fall of rain makes the day more dark than it already is.

Tris stands beside me, a black dress hugs her body and a small black lace Vail covering her face, with it attached to a small hat on her hair.

Everyone's in black, I in a black suit, and Luca in a small black suit as well. He stands in front of Tris, her hands on his shoulders and my right arm wrapped around her thin waist.

The sky's grey, and dark. Not a hint of light, seen or to be seen. The grass green, collects the water droplets as the fall. And her black thick casket sits inches before me.

There are flowers on it though, covering the top in white. They dressed her in a dress I only saw her where once, as a child when she still lived with us.

She looked beautiful I have to say, she looked like she was out of pain and out of misery. Which she was, and I know that because she left those things behind.. For me.

Zeke showed up for me, for this I am grateful. He never met her, nor will he have the chance. But as a friend would, he showed to support me and know that he is here for me.

Marcus didn't show, nowhere to be seen. Though I am happy I don't have to run into him, I find myself mad and outraged that he wouldn't show. Not even for the woman he once 'loved.'

This day brings memories back for Tris, although she never told me this, I can read it in her eyes.

Tris and I didn't tell Luca who's funeral it was, he's also somewhat new to the concept of what a funeral is. We didn't want to lie to him, but we could face the truth either.

"For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens." The preacher man reads. The rain continues to fall as he reads passage after passage, tear after tear.

Though now it's hard to distinguish tear from rain drop.

"Now her son has a few words he's prepared." The preacher announces and I leave Tris to move up where the preacher stands.

I clear my throat and grab the crumpled sheet of paper from the pocket in my jacket.

"My mother, had a mind of her, to say the least. She had different ideals and beliefs then I do, per say. But that didn't mean we never saw eye to eye, because we did. We did when it truly mattered, when we needed to have each other." I say, the memories flooding into my mind. Remembering being with her as a child, young and fragile.

I needed her, and she need me. We needed each other.

I only look up briefly from the paper to see Tris looking at me, tears clouding her eyes and a small smile telling me to keep going.

"The life she was given wasn't fair, the life she was given was cruel and hurtful." I say speaking of Marcus.

"But she had a way of hiding her own pain and fears for the future and making others like myself, feel safe."

"She did many things for me, things mothers should never have to go through. And she never got the rightful gratitude she deserved." I say and something wet hits my paper. And this one I can identify as a tear.

"She passed as I held her, not only holding onto her physically, but emotionally. Hoping that some way, somehow I could keep her from going. But I couldn't." I say and the tears keep falling.

"It feels surreal almost to me that she is truly gone, that I can't wake up the next morning to see her." I say.

"I've experienced this pain before, loosing someone you know you can't lie without. And I never knew I felt that way about Evelyn, but know that she's no longer here.. I can see that I do feel that way." I say and I close my eyes, the pain hurting too much.

"I never told her this, not enough as I should have." I start and honestly don't know if I can say it without breaking down.

"I love you." I whisper and walk back with my head down towards Tris. Her arms embrace me as soon as I reach her.

I cry into her shoulder, as the preacher reads again. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."

****

The service soon ends, and people begin to leave. Zeke walks up to me with a mournful look on his face, giving me a hug. "I'm really sorry man." He says and I thank him. "I'm here for you. Shauna too." He tells me before heading out.

I watch the rain continues to fall, making puddles in the ground. Luca's splashing in them while Tris is trying to watch him and comfort me.

"I want to grab something real quick, and I'll be right back." I tell Tris and she lets me go. I hid something behind the tree's so I could find it later and not have to ride all the way back to dauntless. I pick up the blue glass sculpture my mother gave me, and carry it over with me.

This morning I sat staring at it on the bed, hardly moving. I walk over to where her headstone is, and set it down next to it. Leaving it with her, for her.

I feel a hand on my back and turn to see Tris standing over me, looking down. Luca's still playing and I'm actually happy he's not sad like the rest, and that he didn't figure out it was her.

"Let's head home Tobias." Tris says and I nod. Standing up slowly. Tris grabs Luca, and comes back to me as we leave. I wrap my arm around her again and we leave.

******

I open my eyes and Tris is sleeping next to me peacefully. I'd wake her up, but I don't want to. I watch her sleep, trying to get the image of my mother's funeral out of my head.

It was a beautiful funeral but the memories are too painful. I wouldn't consider this a nightmare, but just a painful dream. One that feels too real and feels that I have to keep reliving that day over and over.

"Same dream? " I hear Tris's sweet voice ask. I look over to find her looking at me. I nod and she snuggles closer. "She's not gone for good." She says and I look down at her.

"She's still with you." Tris tells me and falls asleep again. "I know she is." I whisper. The picture of my mother's face fills my mind and I soon fall asleep as well.