Resurgent~ Back again

Chapter 82

Tobias POV
"I need to talk to you." She speaks softly. I'm reading in bed when she walks in. She plays with her fingers and doesn't make full eye contact- so I know something's up.

"What's wrong?" I ask. She walks to my side of the bed, and I sit up more so we're even in height, since she's standing.

"I lost it. The baby, it's gone." She whispers and tears roll down her face.

Instead of feeling sadness over the loss or empathy for her, I feel rage. Anger bubbling inside of me, ready to boil over. I throw the covers off me and stand up, brushing past her.

"Tobias, talk to me." She pleads and I turn around to face her. And doing so, I slap her.

She lets out a painful moan clutching her now bright red cheek. My hands are clenched and my eyes must be black like pits of hell.

Just like his were. "You lost our baby." I exclaim, making her jump at my outburst.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" She cries but I can't stop my hand from hitting her again. She cries out in pain and fear.

****

I jerk awake, sweating and my heart beating rapidly. "Hey. You okay?" Tris asks, placing her hands on my shoulders.

I look to her quickly, wanting to make sure I didn't really hurt her. Even in the darkness I can tell nothing of the sort happened, but in my mind it was all so real.

"Yeah. Just um.. Just a nightmare." I stutter, trying to calm myself. She lays back down, and I do too. But as she snuggles into my side, I stare up at the ceiling.

No matter how much I want this child, the thought of becoming him can't escape my mind. With all that I was put through, how could I not think that.

I don't fall back asleep that night, just lay awake starting at the blank ceiling. It was like a canvas, where I could see my future. Tris stayed in my arms all night, and I even in the black, I could still see her beauty.

Tris begins to stir and I see that it's around eight. "How long have you been up?" She asks, not opening her eyes yet. "Not long." I lie. I should've said six hours.

"Did you get to sleep okay after your nightmare?" Tris asks me opening her eyes and sitting up.

"Yeah." I lie again. "Good." She says kissing my forehead then head to the bathroom to get ready. I sit up and rub my face with the palms of my hands. I hate lying to Tris, and I know that it would be better for the both of us if I would've just told her the truth.

But I couldn't. I don't want her to know that I still think that way. And then she'd tell me sternly that I'm nothing like him nor will I ever be.

It helps sometimes, hearing it from her. But other times, it doesn't. I need to know deep down that I'll never be like Marcus, and I don't yet.

****

"I still can't get over it! You're actually pregnant." Christina squeals. We decided to tell them at breakfast, which is where we are.

"I know. It's crazy." Tris says. The girls ask questions like what gender or what color we'll paint the nursery.

"You okay?" Zeke asks and I turn to face him. "I'm fine." I tell him and he gives me the 'am I stupid' look.

I sigh, "I'm nervous." I admit. "Well that's understandable." He reasons. I nod, not wanting to get into the real reason.

We all get up to leave. "I'm going with Chris, I'll be back later." Tris tells me, kissing my cheek. I smile and watch her run off.

"Four, wait up." I hear Shauna call after me. We're in the beginning of a dark dauntless hallway when she reaches me.

"What's up?" I ask. "What's up with you?" She asks. "I know something's wrong. Come on, spill it." Shauna pesters.

"You're really pushy you know." I tell her. "Well duh, now come on." She says punching my arm.

"I'm worried about what kind of father I'll be." I confess, rubbing the back of my neck. My fingers skimming over the pecks of my tattoo.

"Oh four." Shauna says in a sigh, "Really?" She asks like I'm crazy.

"You will be a great dad." She tells me.

"How would you know that?"

"Because you were with Luca. And that wasn't even your own child." Shauna points out.

I stay quiet. "And not many people would see it, or know it's there. But you have kindness in your heart, lots of it." She whispers and I chuckle softly.

"Thanks." I tell her, and she wraps an arm around my shoulder, then runs off.

She's right. I did love luca, and I treated him right. So hopefully it will be the same with our own.

(A/N: Hey guys, Sorry about this chapter. It sucks.... hopefully the next will be better. Sorry.)