Unlocking the Powers of my Subconscious Mind

Day 38 - Scared to Say

Is it okay to be this scared? I never told you guys before. But now I feel like telling you. I am actually scared, guys.

Scared not for a single thing but for everything. Sometimes I am scared to start, but most of the time I am scared to proceed.

I am scared to proceed when I am close to something. Right now, I feel like my YouTube channel is about to get monetized, though I have only 630 subscribers. Now, I am scared to even post sometimes. I am scared of negative comments, though I never got one. I am scared that my relatives might get to see my work someday and criticize it. I am scared to follow my passion. All I wanted in the first place was to have an English channel through which I could connect with the entire world. But now most of my audience is in my mother tongue, and I am scared to change the language of the channel. I am even scared to talk on my channel. I am scared to express my views, and most of the time I am scared to just raise my voice so that the world can hear. So, now I am scared—what if the world never gets to know me because I am silent? I am scared about whether I will be scared forever like this.

Even for this Wattpad page, the same fears exist. I never told anyone about this page to my family members. Only two people know about this. I am scared that people may mock me for my work. I am scared that people might never get my point of view. I am scared that I might be seen differently after reading all this. I am scared that people might hate me for who I am. Sometimes, I am even scared that people might love me for who I am. I am scared to neither afford love nor hate.
 

I am scared of mediocrity, with which I have lived until now. I am most scared of inconsistency. I am scared that I will be left alone while moving forward. I am scared to be locked in my home. I am also scared of freedom, which can bring struggles. I am scared to be in control and, at the same time, scared to be let loose and get lost. I am scared of crowded places, but sometimes I am also scared to be alone.

The craziest out of all is that I am scared to utter my own name. I don't have the courage to say who I am. I am scared of myself. I am scared of my past, and I am also scared of my future.

I am scared to invest in the stock market and, at the same time, scared to spend my money. I am scared to live, but more scared to die. I am alive because I am scared to death.
 

I am scared to say bye, but what scares me the most is everything coming to an end without even saying bye.

So,Bye bye 
 

-AramintaFlores
(October 30, 2023)

Going to sleep at 2.22 a.m. (scared to even tell you this)