Day 67- Obsession😈

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Finally, I got addicted to books.

That 12 hours of book reading actually affected me in multiple ways. Though I digested less than 30% of the content, still, that marathon session made me a freak.

Is it okay to obsess over something?

I love obsession. But I love to obsess over people, not things. I never obsessed over anyone my entire life. I always wanted to obsess over a single person, and I can't do that at all.

Sometimes I try my level best to give unconditional love to people and also be obsessed with one person. I never had such a person in my entire life.

Finally, now in this phase of life, I am obsessing over everything that I am doing. I am obsessed with book reading, YouTube channels, and even this Wattpad page.

I want to do a marathon of book reading again. My whole family is against that idea. I am conveying my ideas again and again to them just to get rejected. My mom is the one who is opposing it so much.

She doesn't want me to feel pain. But with those 20 minutes missing, my heart is literally aching. I feel like crying aloud. I wanted to read that same book again on my live stream, but this time within 12 hours so that the last few minutes would not be chopped.

My mom is not allowing me to do that.

I am still under my mom's control. I still obey my mom's command, and I will forever do that, I guess.

But this obsession phase is a kick. Intoxicated feel. Everything feels wrong. Everything is creating pain in my heart. I thought my subconscious mind would help me be a better person.

But to accept the reality, I got worse. I got worse than ever before. I never worried this much over things. Why are these things happening?

I feel like I played the game all wrong. Is that so?

Someone told me to focus on the physical aspects first. So I am doing that by focusing on my YouTube channel. But that's not what is meant, right?

I want a reason to believe in my subconscious mind. I want 99 subscribers within 2 days to prove that my subconscious mind is really capable.

Is that possible?

I should stop questioning my capabilities.

 
Bye bye

-AramintaFlores♥️
(Nov. 28, 2023)

 
Going to sleep at 1.40 a.m.

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