I am scared.
I can't say I am scared again because I am always scared. Will I do it?
Can I make a lakh rupees in a month?
I feel like giving up, but some motivational lines hit my brain, telling me not to quit.
"What kind of person just gives up on their dream when they haven't even tried?" - Never Have I Ever Series
I should try. First of all, I should believe I can do it. But forcing myself beyond my comfort zone feels like I am about to die at the end of this month.
Even last month, I felt the same. But last month, I was not as scared as this month. I will be going to my home only on December 10, and I should make 1250 dollars in 20 days.
I can't figure out how I can do this at all. This is just sucking my soul. I don't want to suffer. I can give up. But if I give up this time, I will doubt myself forever. Others doubting my capabilities are absolutely fine. But me doubting my capabilities and willpower is more dangerous.
I know that I should not use 'if' while working on my subconscious mind. But still, I am going to use it because I should learn to tolerate both possible outcomes.
If I tried my level best and if I failed, I should not think it was the end of my life. I should be proud because I tried. Again, a quote from Never Have I Ever comes to mind.
"It's okay if I fail as long as I tried. And maybe I don't fail, and then I am really proud of myself. - Never have I ever"
I should push myself harder till I succeed, guys. I am still not brave enough to digest failures, and that's my biggest flaw.
In the fear of failure, I give up even without trying. I never write an exam in which I can fail. If we always succeed, it means we are not trying the hard stuff.
The hardest stuff can bring failures at first and very massive successes in the end.
I only get small wins, as I never try big things out of fear of failure.
This time I should overcome my fear of failure and try my level best till the end of the month.
I don't even have a laptop, guys, and it really sucks. Most of the jobs demand a laptop, and my mind is literally screaming inside my head. I should believe I can do it, no matter what obstacles I am going to face.
Sorry, subconscious mind. I will not face any obstacles, and the 1250 dollars will come as a sweet surprise.
Bye byee
-AramintaFlores♥️
(Dec. 6, 2023)
Going to sleep at 1.50 a.m.
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