I'll Be Fine (pt. 2 of 2)

peacefully and serene-like

you told me
personal information
cramps, blood, all of it is such normalcy for you
but I can't imagine the feeling
even if i so badly hope for such
just for any validity in my soul
i still feel terrible
maybe one day
i can be more receptive and understanding
of what happens to your body
but for now
i only want to comfort you
i realize now
that's my job too
keep you from losing it
keep you from having to lose it
and just protect you from feeling
oh so pessimistic about your situation
when you're here
head down, laying softly
your breathing not laboured, but instead steady
it gives me a thought of the want
the need to just do something
my need to just participate,
which is so selfish, just help to take credit for helping
and i need to realize
it's more about you than me, always
and your feelings come first
when it comes to helping you
it's my pleasure to just be the one you talk to
about most, if not all things
i miss everything i do for people
maybe it's time i start to care about the feelings
not on just a base level, but a more strong
and deep, personal level.

i sit here, watching you intently
asking if you're okay every hour
just worried so often about you
and i realize
this is part of the bad
but I haven't even seen anything yet
and I don't know how much i really can deal with
hopefully all, but i won't know, truly
until i get tested by the passivity of time
and the forcefulness of the future
i wish i could put my arms around you
make your worries come at a moments notice
and dismiss them, make them leave you alone
such as a pestering feeling you don't want
but of course, it's much more complicated than that
it's more important and yet trivial
because you have little to no control
but you also supposedly have the control
to just not let it affect you
and I wonder who the person was that dreamt up
such a counterintuitive system and way of thought
in such a compound world
spinning in a way noone knows how to work
but everyone deals with.