I'll Be Fine (pt. 2 of 2)

sometimes, all i think about is you.

third time measuring up against the wall
i can't expect myself to change
but for what it's worth i know im not insane
sitting here for a year
"the sound of love in the air" but i can never hear
but you've spoke loud
spoke so delicately about the way i think and act
you make it much less of a burden to even think
and you have cleared my ears of the ringing
i hear the once closed chorus i shut the doors on
and i can hear your breath, hot on my neck
the warmth i have longed for feels so beautifully anxious
eager to warm that which long froze
and to feel your hands grasp mine would be a dream come true
even though you lack the being
i can feel your soul
you speak from experience, from pain, from love, from shock
to feel this wonderous feeling again
for me it feels so soon yet not soon enough
but for you it seems such a long time coming
to having small experiences
sharing in our easy to access struggles
you're just like me in so many ways
so many pitfalls and traumas we've shared
to sharing the same comforts of the eardrums
even if mine have been long draining the color of my pleasures
to even the same games i find my crutch
my main mode to connecting on any level
and despite what i thought
if i hadn't asked around
put out an advertisement to share those games
and if you hadn't worked up the courage to reach out
we wouldn't be here
to suggesting such a simple game
similar to animal crossing
just with much less focus on property and mainly fishing
i almost rejected the idea
and to think
that if i wouldn't have discovered
i truly do have unsupervised access to the cash ive earned
i wouldn't have gotten the game
i wouldn't have stayed up till 3 am playing it with you
and you wouldn't have "jokingly" tried to give me a ring
to symbolize our closeness over the three hours spent
and i wouldn't have felt the way i did
someone finally coming around that i trusted, felt so close with
and to think the next day i gave you a ring of your own
(though you had messed up before, and gave yourself the ring, and you ending up returning it, telling me to keep and use it as you did)
and i felt something
i felt something i never thought i could
something i never thought was possible
never could be possible in the time i will and have lived my life
i felt a spark.
i felt that little inkling of light
in my heart
you gave me a reason to think day after day, to plan
to take it a bit more than day by day
to be excited to wake up
to not make everyday a pass-through day
towards the next time i see my counselor
even with the significant progress ive made, handling myself
i haven't felt this motivated, this alive, this electric in months
maybe years
you made the coming days something i don't fear
i know i will be okay
and even if im not doing well
i know you care.
i know you find me so important
and i find you one of the most rare, beautiful ores
among the rocks of the earth
you shine and glimmer in the dusty night
your heartbeat is one given by the gods
and to be the way you are
so perfect for me
so absolutely my type
and to say now
you are mine
and i am yours
is not merely a statement
it's all i wish to have ever known
and to think so little i have known you
yet i can feel the thought of you
the idea of you
your mind, your frame, your ideals, your wishes and wants
they have all beg
to have been coursing through my veins my entire life
and now i stand
among the stars and sky
i praise you
i praise your strength
your mind
i appreciate every breath you take
every time your heart beats
i love you
i love you more than i have ever loved something
and to think it's so strong
so convicted in my ways
you are something ive ached for
you are the last piece of the puzzle
you are the key to my lock
you are more than you could ever imagine
you're worth a fortune
and yet i wouldn't sell you for a single thing
i will always love you
always want you
always carress you
always admire you
to feel our lips join
our fingers lock
our skin touching so desperately, so delicately
is my dream.