the last 3 days have been brutal
not to compare
not to have a competition
but to feel what i felt
in the state i was
be glad you had the day you had
to have the same damn thing told to my face
every single moment i express my torture
"You're fine." "It's okay."
it means jack shit
what you think, is not what really matters
to reassure me with the same line
i lose piece by piece of my mental
hearing you listen
then try to provide your own feedback on it
to give an opinion on it
you think i havent been doing anything in my power
to try and not off myself?
what a fucking waste of time, to sit here
to wait for the same thing i expected
i worried about an examination of me as a person
while you just gave me the same damn thing
that i was probably gonna recieve from the start
i need to be heard and not just responded to
in the most basic way with lack of any empathy.
im changed
i don't trust you two much anymore
to be honest, im thinking about cutting away
getting away from that group completely
ill try for lucy
but as for you
i dont know
maybe ill make you wait for my response too, hm?
to be ignored while i deliberate?
im hurt, i may be traumatized
and i know at the very least the first part
because the feelings of anxiety i had of your response
never went away
but instead were replaced with anxiety over
being reintroduced the same environment
that bred these experiences and thoughts.
to be reintroduced into it,
although it is so completely what i want
it feels bad.
as of now though, i have to thank three people
thank you laura, for letting me rant and cry on call.
thank you lucy, for being patient with me, and trying to understand my feelings and take them into account, even when i blabbered on about mine and didn't focus in on the fact how shitty that must have felt.
thank you, cole, for atleast doing fucking something and giving me a platform to distract my mind.
for you all, i have gratitude towards.
but please be patient, especially lucy, because im really affected by this.
im really changed and i need time to try and feel okay around you all again.
YOU ARE READING
I'll Be Fine (pt. 2 of 2)
Poetrypoetry showing my stress. relieving, coping, really. continuing to add poems, sometimes daily. use this as place to talk about your own frustrations and dances with pain and strife
