not what you think

xlvii: n

The stupefied visuals of the other three than Yeosang is as crystalline, emulsified with disbelief.

Yeosang doesn't behave upon it, a rather impartial sentiment marrying his countenance.

Wooyoung's mouth opens and closes multiple times, San resorting to simply blinking. Huijin fails to voice anything, viewing and comprehending Yeosang's impartiality. She views groundwards for a second before gazing back at Joonki.

Joonki fails to decipher if they are brimming with detestation or rather simple disbelief.

"Wow, I," Wooyoung is the foremost one to voice, viewing San, the latter seemingly gazing at him back.

"Yes, hyung," Joonki voices again, slender monolids brimming with a singular inquiry, "I'm asexual. I'm incapable of feeling attraction for any gender."

"How long?"

Joonki views his mother, as her mouth morphs the words.

"I've known it since middle school, I've realized it then, to be put more clearly," Joonki snickers, "I kept seeing my friends talking about liking girls often, and I don't seem to like any. Same for boys."

"I didn't feel normal since I don't like boys or girls," Joonki says.

"I've even seen transgender or non-binary, even queer people on the streets during pride parades, but none of them caught my eye, at least in the physical aspect of theirs."

None of them speak.

Joonki swallows his throat before viewing Wooyoung and San, as if the unraveling is of grave stature.

"In middle school, I didn't have a name for this uncommonness. I told hyung about it and he told me about it. He also said he's into boys back then," Joonki says as Huijin looks with perplexity towards Yeosang, before continuing, "He made me aware of the term asexuality. And how it's not a phase."

"There have been people in the workplace who tried to get on with me, but I declined," Joonki voices, "Mostly because I wasn't attracted to them the same way."

Huijin doesn't speak as Wooyoung nods his head in contemplation, Yeosang reticent throughout. San views him, which Joonki reciprocates, viewing nothing but amiability.

"Aboji would be angry at hyung if he found out about hyung's orientation, so I took the blame and this is where I am," Joonki smiles glumly, before gazing at his mother.

Wooyoung glides closer to Joonki, hesitating for a moment if he shall encase Joonki in an embrace.

Joonki senses the dilemma, yet doesn't voice.

After a moment's reticence, Wooyoung stands up, causing San to stand up too.

Wooyoung views Joonki with tenderness, and mayhaps with empathy before asking, "Can I hug you?"

Joonki opens his mouth to say before enclosing them, mildly contemplating if he should allow himself to exhibit his vulnerability.

Joonki decides to allow Wooyoung.

After, he's been with him for four years. Fortified him, stowed himself in the foundation of his best friend. Forbearance and joviality being a mammoth fragment of his life because of Wooyoung, albeit not being able to reciprocate.

Joonki is aware Wooyoung is entitled to more than so, but a singular embrace would do for now.

Wooyoung in a deliberate motion, extends his hands towards Joonki, tenderly clasping as if his fingers would grapple on the elongated scar on his back, and tear it open.

Wooyoung stows his visual on Joonki's shoulder, forging circles on his back in a laggard motion, wanting to console the male.

Joonki upheaves his hands, in a dilemma for a moment, fingers spiraling into fists, lingering in the air before stowing them on Wooyoung's back, not in a vice grip, unlike Wooyoung's grip on him.