Lou's Gold (Larry Stylinson) (COMPLETE)

Chapter 16: I Can't Do That

The familiar smell of home filled my nose as I breathed against my bed sheets, kicking off my boots and pulling a pillow to hold against myself. I laid on my back with the pillow on my stomach and gazed at the variety of posters and stickers on the walls, going through the past few days in my head. My responsibilities rang in the back of my mind but I wasn't in the mood to worry. With a groan I sat up and took a seat on the rolling chair in front of my desk, looking over my recording equipment.

It wasn't a full-on recording studio but I had my different microphones, speakers, and my mixer along with the editing software on my computer. I reached down to my sack to get my lyric book and opened it up to the page with the song I wrote myself, setting aside Louis' song for later. I turned my computer on and scribbled music notes according to the verse in the song they belonged to.

I frowned, finding it harder than I thought to just write the song, only hearing it in my head. I used the upbeat melody I had been writing in the beginning of the week and adjusted my equipment to begin recording.

I'm like a crow on a wire,
You're the shining distraction that makes me fly, oh

I frowned and stopped the recording, feeling my voice was too low for that verse. I wanted that part to be sung by someone who could hit the note I intended to. My thoughts returned to Niall as I remembered his impressive range of vocals. He can sing the first verse.

I continued the recording.

But I know in my heart,
You're not a constant star

And, yes, I let you use me from the day that we first met

But I'm not done yet
Falling for your Fool's Gold

I once again stopped the recording and scribbled out Lou's Cold from the top of the page on my lyric book in order to write above it Fool's Gold. The title had eventually grown on me after the mistake made at the karaoke bar and I decided to change it altogether if I ever planned to perform it again professionally. I quieted the music to a very low hum as I sang the last bridge of the song, meant to be after the second chorus.

Cause you know my love is real
That's just the way we feel
I know the way you feel

I stopped the recording and re-winded it to hear it from the beginning. I frowned at the fact that the music didn't go well with the lyrics during the first verse. I was about to shut the tape off when I heard the next two lines.

Sadness laced my voice like a spiked drink; subtle, but more obvious with time. My voice still sounded hoarse from how much my throat swallowed tears and I could tell in my tone that I'd been frowning the whole time.

The song continued and the miserable tune reached my ears in such a depressed way it was almost dark. It sounded distorted and as it didn't fit well with the song playing behind it, I imagined the song melting away leaving just my lyrics over a spine-chilling mute tape.

As the bridge approached, I listened closely, hearing how I sang the words in order to compose a melody that better fit the song. The lyrics I wrote disturbed me and I sat back in my chair when the tape had finished.

Is my love real?
Is love really what I feel?
I chuckled sarcastically. I know the way he feels.

I ran my hand through my hair furiously, upset at how pathetic I sounded. I had let these past few days get to my head and interfere with my singing. It's over, I can't be hung up on someone like this, I need to get on with my life and take the next step in my career. I need to get out and do something for myself, not work in a tattoo parlor for the rest of my life, going to bars on my days off to pick up any doe-eyed, rock-hard ass stranger to shag for a night then return to my sister's house alone in the morning. I wasn't about to sit around and sulk just because Louis didn't like me, there are plenty who will reject me and I had to learn to get over it.