The Harrington Series Book #4: Chasing Naila

Prologue

Naila's POV
"Well?" I asked desperately as soon as Levi was done reading the results from my test. His silver eyes answered my question but I cannot help myself from being more satisfied with a verbal answer. "Use your words."

"You are still very scarred. You can't get pregnant."

I have been careless with every man I sleep with to get anyone who will knock me up; anyone. I have become desperate since Bas died and now I am going crazy out of my mind desperately hoping for a miracle in the form of a baby.

I covered my face but my tears refused to flow. The years have left me hardened. I can't cry even if I want to. Maybe I have cried enough in one lifetime. I said a quiet curse made for my ears only. Any more disappointments and I will literally die from them.

"Maybe it's all those men. They're the ones with the problem." I tried to comfort myself. It is easier to believe that.

But as much as I am trying to be optimistic, my brother's eyes are heavy with doubt. "You are the one with a problem." He can't help himself from ruining it for me.

"Maybe I should seduce Nickolas and get him to bed." I spoke my mind.

Nick has three children! Three! I keep going back to that time in his chalet when he proposed to me for a second time. Life gave me an option to end my chaos and what did I do? I slammed the door in Nick's face. Now he has five kids that could have been mine. I spend so much time looking at photographs of her and her children.

I envy her. She has it all! A career, a love life and children.

"That is a stupid move."

"They are not married." I shrugged. "He is walking proof he can make me a mom. It's not a problem to him."

"That's not fair Desirée." Levi chided me. He has the hots for her. He tries to hide it but it is becoming more and more obvious. If he could build Keira a bloody monument he would.

"You're right, it's not fair. Her life should be my life. All I'm asking for is one... just one baby in this damned lifetime. Why is the universe so unfair to me?"

"You should consider a surrogate. It's a better option and a guarantee you will be a mom."

"No. I want to do this-"

"You can't!" He suddenly snapped. So much for being calm. He was probably tired of my constant complaining. "Damn it Desirée, we do this every month but the truth is that knife wound sealed your fate. You can't have a baby, not on your own. You need a surrogate. It's either that or you adopt."

I have thought about those options a lot of times but I want the full experience of being a mom and having my own baby. Going through this alone is even harder. It angers me that Cole died and left me to struggle on my own. Even if I choose a surrogate, I would still need a sperm donor. I have thought of a few options Nick being top of my list. He has great genes; that dirty blond perfect hair and those fierce baby blues! The Greek genes just ooze off him. We will make beautiful babies.

"Sebastian Michael would have been twelve years old today." I put the reason why I am in a bad mood out there. It happens everyday but it's worse when it's his birthday. "One year shy of a teenager."

"I'm sorry Desirée. I was being insensitive."

"No. You told me the truth. Maybe I should adopt or get a surrogate. I'm getting bloody old here. Can you believe I'm already thirty one?" It's a nightmare for most women. It's often scary if you're still single and if you haven't had a child yet.

Levi laughed with me. "I'm almost turning thirty five. Do you still think you are old?"

"For a woman still hoping to conceive, yes."

"Old hag!" He shoved me playfully. When our laughter ceased we got a little more serious.

"I'll see you around. I'm going to buy a bottle of Sunset Rum and drink the entire thing. I hope I'll pass out so that I don't have to think about Bas."

"Don't get back to old habits." He reminded me of my once alcohol addiction. It was a tough battle. I got clean but once in a while I slipped up.

"I only drink on two death anniversaries and two birthdays. Cole's and Sebastian's."

I kissed his cheek and made my way out into the street. I'm serious about the rum part. On Sebastian's tenth birthday, Bea got drunk with me. We caused so much trouble on the streets of London. The reprimanding we got from Tony, a former party animal wnd now reformed dad fell to dead ears because we did it again the next year.

Bea is a good friend. I don't get along with many girls but she is easy to be around. Bea has another friend, Keira. She talks a lot about her. Half of the things I know about Keira ate from Bea. For starters, she used to tell me how Keira snobbed her after she had her babies. Now they are friends again. I hate it. She's in Saint Tropez with her. Apparently, she lied about Nick being her babies' father and now that he knows the entire Balotelli Bale clan are going to meet them.

She's calling me. "Is there drama?" I asked her.

"So much drama!" She squealed. "First things first and you will not believe this! Cole Michael Harrington is alive! He's alive! I swear I just saw him! He's here!" I felt like I had been smacked in the face. I nearly dropped the phone seeking some support from my car.

"Where?"

"Saint Tropez! He's Keira's neighbor!"

"What? No. Do you even know what Cole looks like? That's not him. Cole is dead."

"Cole is alive. Tony and Nick saw it too! Even Kei can confirm it-"

"How does she know Cole?"

"Uh... Never mind. Are you coming to France or what?"

I told Bea about my hot and cold relationship with Cole. She probably thinks this is the best news I've ever heard but I am stunned beyond words. I hanged up.

"I'm going to need three bottles of Sunset rum. One for Bas, one for Cole and one for my bloody shock." I told myself before getting into my car and speeding out into the free way.