The Harrington Series Book #4: Chasing Naila

Chapter 29: A String Of Losses

Cole's POV
I didn't go back home after finding out Azura is marrying another man. I checked into a hotel and processed everything she said. She is getting married. She is moving on.

I feel hurt that she's moving on. It means I'm losing my place in her life. I'll only be Ethan's father, nothing more. It's hard to come to terms with, especially because I was hoping for a reconciliation.

It takes me back to what my father told me. He said that I'll realize that being a father is not always rainbows and butterflies. Even with the beat intentions, a father can still hurt his child. In all this, I'm not the victim. Azura may be but Ethan, he's the one who will be hurt the most. He is already hurt.

I hadn't realized how selfish I've been until I left Azura's house and realized that I hadn't done what brought me to Oman in the first place. Ethan. I left without seeing him.

I swallowed my pride and I called Azura to ask her to bring my son to me. I was surprised when she did not challenge me. It seems she is willing to get along with me for Ethan's sake. She's the better parent and I have a lot to learn from her.

"Hey bud." I gazed at my son. He looks a little timid. Sometimes I don't understand what about me makes him so uncomfortable. "Is it okay if I hold you?"

When did I start needing permission to hold my son?

He looked at his mother first. She nodded and he came over, allowing me to sit him on my lap. "I'm very sorry about my behavior the other day. It was wrong for me to speak like that in front of you. Will you forgive me?"

He nodded his head. I took his little hands, looking into his still blue eyes. "I realized that we never talked about the divorce or what it means. I was too wrapped up in my own drama to remember you needed to be talked to. Ethan, I love you very much. I may not always be there to show you, but I do. I'll try to explain this in the simplest way you can understand. Have you ever had a disagreement with any of your friends?"

"Yes." He answered. "One time Aidan broke my toy car. He didn't apologize."

"I'm sorry to hear about that. What happened afterwards? We're you two still friends?"

"Not really. I was upset with him but Terrence told us to stop being petty. So we started being friends again."

"Isn't that nice of Terrence? To fix you guys. It's normal for people to disagree. It's normal for children and adults to disagree. That is what happenwd between your mom and I. We disagreed." I gazed at Azura. "But not all disagreements can be solved son. When a mom and dad can't solve their disagreement, they separate. We couldn't solve our disagreement so we had to part ways. It doesn't mean we don't love you. We love you very much. It only means we won't both be with you all the time. We are sharing you because neither one of us wants to lose you. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Your mom and I don't hate each other. I love her and deep inside, beyond the disappointment she must feel, I'm sure she doesn't hate me. We don't want you to worry about us. We want you to be happy. You are just a child and you don't need to think about all this. Like I said, I won't be here everyday but I'll call you often. I am still your father even if I'm miles away."

He nodded.

"Amir." Azura came to sit beside me so that she can look at our son's teary eyes. "We love you."

He nodded again and stretched out his arms to sit on his mother's lap. He cried almost quietly. My father was right. I now understand why he stayed with mom after what she did. He thought about how it would affect us. He put us first, a sacrifice I have failed to make for Ethan.