{-JIARA-}

A Bad Night (1-3)

--CONTAINS SUICIDAL THOUGHTS BE AWARE BEFORE READING--

KIE

It's been 2 years. 2 years since JJ and I started dating. Things were so amazing. He's so amazing. When I tell you I love this boy, I love this boy. He's absolutely it for me.

When I look at our friends, they all look so happy. When I look at JJ, I can't help but think I look happier. Actually, I don't think, I know.

After they got the gold, Sarah fell pregnant. After a long, and what I've heard, painful 9 months, she gave birth to a beautiful boy. His name is Zachary John Routledge. Soon, they found having a kid is what they've been missing. She ended up pregnant again. The couple had welcomed another boy into the world. Denver Pope Routledge. He looked just like Sarah. He had her blonde hair and her gorgeous brown eyes. JJ calls him cheesehead, and Denver calls him bondie, because he can't do L's yet. He calls me Keeks, which is a new one. But all this started 4 years ago! Zach's 4, and Denver's 2 and a half.

Something I've noticed about her, is she looks amazing for giving birth to two kids. And also what I've heard from John B, she's doing great as well!

Shortly after Sarah got pregnant, Cleo and Pope told us they were dating. They've been together for 4 years. Which I find crazy.

Then Cleo caught baby fever. That caught onto Pope. I don't blame them, Zach is absolutely adorable. He's definitely John B. Jr. everything we always needed. But anyways, Cleo ended up getting pregnant, and of course, the boys gave Pope shit for finally "gettin som" in their words.

Cleo gave birth to a beautiful little girl, Rosaline May Heyward. Pope said he "owed JJ one." And named a piece of her after him. So they picked May as a middle name. We were her Godparents. I was also Zach's godmother, but Pope was the Godfather, and it was the other way around with JJ and Cleo for Denver. They soon had a little boy too. His name is Carter Beck Heyward. The name Beck has some sort of origin to Cleo, but only Pope knows. John B and Sarah were the Godparents of this one. But they were ages 3 and 1.

That left JJ and I. It took us two years to step it up. Well actually, I blame JJ. He finally grew a pair and asked me out. Sure, we confessed our love two years prior, but that doesn't matter. We consisted of "just friends" (with benefits -the deed) because JJ didn't want me to feel used. Half of me is happy about that, the other half reassured him it was fine, but he wouldn't budge. But, we couldn't be happier now. I've had baby fever so much over the last couple years, but he refused. We talked about it one night, and tried. But it didn't work out. It stressed me out a lot. The fact he was ready, and the fact I fucked it up made me sick to my stomach.

How was it my fault? I don't know. It just feels like it. The whole world stopped when I felt nothing for a month. I didn't tell JJ how disappointed I was. He just knew. The 4 years I've said "oh my god, I want one! JJ!" Or "Jayj, please??" Things like that. I know he felt the pain for me. Reassuring me it's not my fault. Maybe it's not meant to be right now.

It's been 6 months since then.

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The beers in my hand. JJ and I are swinging back and forth in the hammock. Head to head, shoulder to shoulder. Leaning on each other.

We went surfing for a while tonight. We deserved a little bit of time together. We haven't had much, due to all the baby stuff. We all live door to door. 30 second walk from each house. But we have jobs, and I take extra shifts. I felt like I needed to escape reality, and JJ hated that I did. I recently took off for a few days, by a few days, I mean a month. My job could easily been done at home for an hour or two. I just went in a lot. JJ he did the same. We spent this time with each other. Today was day one. He spent all day making sure I was relaxed. He took care of me, since he hasn't been able to for a while. I loved it. I realized how much I missed it.