the perfect mistake

Chapter 24: saving us

EZRAS POV:
I saw her walk out. I picked up a note she left. it said "Ezra, my love, the one I always planned on spending my life with, the one person who knows me better than I know myself. I love you. I love you more than words can show or even explain. I'll forever love you. I don't think I could ever actually un love you. But just know I'm not leaving to hurt you or to run back to Andrew because there's no one I could ever love like the way I love you. I've hurt you in ways no one should forgive yet you still blame and beat yourself up like its your fault. I love you more than you think about me. Just I know the hardest thing for you was to see the one you love, love someone else but I never actually felt that way about Andrew. I've seen and felt the way you do. I've been reminded and shown what life has been like for you better and after me. I want you to move on. love someone else. I want you to love someone more than you've ever loved me and prove to me that you can heal. So I'm sorry but let's ignore each other. Try to pretend the other person doesn't exist. But deep down, I know and you know it wasn't suppose to be this hard and end up like this. I'll always love you. And you'll always be my first love and first time. you'll always have a special place in my heart and own a piece of it. yours truly, Aria." I looked up put my clothes on and just pictured last night. All the things she said. The way she kissed me and the way she ended up in my bed. it all hurt. I threw on my shirt and went after her. I drove to her house. it looked like no one was home but arias car was there. I ran inside. I heard screaming and crying and then it all stopped. I ran up the stairs I saw a suitcase packed in the hallway. I opened her door to seeing her being kissed and her pulling away. I slowly shut the door and snuck down the hall. Who was he. "Please leave. I didn't ask you to kiss me." she shouted. I backed into the corner in her bathroom hoping no one would see me. "I need you to leave because I can't I can't do this. I'm so in love with someone else and I need to leave. And I need to get the hell out of rosewood." she yelled. "don't act like you didn't like it." It said sexually. "Because I didn't!" She yelled back. "the kiss was only for good luck Aria. I'm sorry. I'll go buy I can promise you'll see me around." He said as he walked down the stairs and out the door. I heard her crying more and more it hurt me to hear her cry. "I'm such a idiot. such a fool. Why'd I leave him?" I finally walked in and locked the door behind me. "Aria!?" She looked up worried eyed. Tears fell from her face. I went and sat next to her and she sat against her bed on the ground with her knees to her chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her as her head fell to my shoulder. "Ezra. I'm sorry." "Shhh stop calm down. It's ok." I finally got her calm until she pulled her head off my chest and I wiped the tears away as she smiled. "Ezra can I ask you something?" "Yeah anything Aria." "Look I love you I do. More than anything in this world. but I need time. I just want to start over from the beginning with you because this isn't fair on your part. I want to have our perfect ending. I want to get the hell out of rosewood. have your children and jut move on and be happy together. I know I haven't always believed in happy endings but just something about you makes me believe. So here it goes." She looked down trying to find words on how to ask. I was scared of what she was going to ask I pulled her chin up. She looked me in the eyes. "How'd you get through it?" "Through what Aria?" "Heartbreak. a broken heart. I broke yours. How'd you deal with it?" "Aria why are you asking me..-?" She cut me off "look I need to know I've seen things and I need to know please." She begged. I ran my hands through my hair. "Well you cry and scream and you act real pathetic. You skip showers and meals and lay around in bed for days. You have pity parties. You're irritable and you push everyone away. You cry in bed. You cry in the shower. You cry in your car. You get sick to your stomach thinking about another man having his hands on her. You think about all he is doing with her. You make up things in your mind that probably aren't real. you picture them in bed together. You picture her moving on. You know the one you love, loving someone else. It's a horrible feeling. You eventually let your heart ache. you let the pain go through your entire body. you start to blame reality and everyone including the and then eventually you blame yourself. you can't deal with your self most days let alone any day and then finally you start not being able to sleep so you have to rid if he pain and drinking doesn't help... Nope I tried it it doesn't. you get so exhausted blaming yourself by asking question like what if i.... Would we end up together type questions. You pretend you're getting better but you aren't." I stopped for a moment to look over at Aria she was just staring and listening but of our eyes filled but I couldn't look at her I just stared at her wall and continued talking. "But once you think you're getting better you have a relapse because something little like a song can hurt. Kinda feels like splinters in your heart that can't be taken out. You consider to give up on life. You finally gather enough strength to get up and take a shower but only not being able to get out of the shower that's just been pouring on your head as you sit there the temperature rises but it doesn't bother you. Once you get out you just sit around hoping.. Hoping they'd come back no matter how unrealistic it is. Then you start drinking again. You have good days and bad days. But one day you wake up. you can smell the air around you again and you look outside and the sun shines a little differently. One day you catch yourself laughing again and the smiling. Finally you hangout with friends again and it's not distracting you anymore from her. you still have those Saturday nights wishing she'd come back but then one day you wake up on a Sunday and realize it'll all be all right again and happiness grows within you again. It just takes time. but then you finally realize they own a piece of you. but my Sunday never came. you came." I finally looked over to her. She let out a sigh. she kissed my cheek. She held me in her arms which felt good. She helped me up as she moved up to sitting against her wall. she patted for me to lay next to her as she payed my head on her stomach and I stretched out down her bed. She played with my hair. "Ezra I want you but I need some time okay? I want to repair myself and be perfect for you. We can be friends in the mean time and hangout all the time and be together 24/7 just you deserve so much more than me and I need to repair myself enough for you. What I'm saying is almost killing myself changed me. And I think what I'm saying is just now is not the time to give up on me okay?" "Aria. You're already perfect enough for me but if that's what you want. But ok i won't." I said as she kissed my forehead and smiled and kept playing with my hair. "Friends?" I said quietly as she was still close to my face from kissing my forehead. "Friends." She whispered as I held onto her chin and leaned her in to kiss me. we pulled away and both smiled. I rolled over and say up and leaned back in to kiss her. she kissed me back. I pulled her on top of me as I slowly fell onto my back on her bed while she was still kissing me. I rolled her over to be under me and slowly kissed her neck and whispered in between "just friends." she moaned. "Ezra my parents and brother are gone for the week." She said softly as I unbuttoned her shirt and unbuttoned her pants.