the perfect mistake

chapter 51: reality

ARIAS POV:
I came in and saw Ezra sitting there I sighed. I set my stuff down and walked towards him. I leaned against the walls looking for the words to say. "we're always fighting now." "I know." he sighed. "Ezra it's becoming too hard for me." "do I even have your love anymore? do you still love me? am I still enough for you? Don't I give you everything you've ever wanted? would you rather have an out an easy one and just turn around and walk out that door now? it used to be so simple. I don't know I'm just second guessing everything about us anymore Aria. I mean you said it yourself you love me so much its hurts  to the point you hate me and it shouldn't feel like that. why'd you take the bullet? Knowing he had a gun why get in the car?" "I didn't want you hurt." "Aria if I lost you I would've been more hurt." "That's alright. well you didn't." "listen if you want a divorce I can file tomorrow." he looked shocked by what I said. "Ezra I don't know any other solutions anymore were always fighting and I cry. you said you'd never create my tears. I don't want it either but if I won't have to feel like this anymore than so be it." "Aria you can't just do that" "Ezra you know what why don't you just go. go to work it's time for you too anyways! I know you took the night shift to stay away from me! Go!" "I'm not on it Aria." "Ezra why don't you just go and file the divorce because I'm done!" I yelled. "because I made a promise that I wouldn't run and I wouldn't leave no matter how hard it gets!" he yelled. a tear fell from my eye. "I don't want you keeping a promise if you don't want too. You don't even trust me apparently." "Aria I never said that just why would you put yourself in danger? I know why you did it. I know why you did it every time. that's what I love about you." "but also what you hate right!?" I yelled. "yes Aria! I'm trying I'm really trying but you're making it so damn hard."  I sighed. "neither of us want a divorce so I'm going to go stay in a hotel for a few days. get my mind cleared. then I'll be back and maybe we can work through this." "but what if we can't work through this?" he asked I looked at him. "I don't know." I grabbed some clothes and packed them and grabbed my school stuff and drove to the hotel. When I got in my room I immediately went to bed. I woke and realized I didn't have class today and tomorrow's Friday and I don't have classes on Fridays either. I sat in my bed all the way till sunday. I just kept thinking how he said he'd always be around. he lied. but after constantly arguing with him with heavy thoughts and baggy eyes I still tried. I think about the months before all of this and how hard I fell for him. I was madly and hopelessly in love. now I'm wondering where it went wrong. Ezra called. we talked it just wasn't about our arguing. "well it's good to hear your voice. I hope you're doing fine. if your wondering yes I'm lonely here at night. time just keeps slipping by and I'm not sure what we are Ezra. I do miss you. I do need you. It just gets harder everyday. you say you love me more than you did before." "think of your favorite person in the whole wide world. Don't tell me." so I did. "now imagine that they just died." I sighed into the phone and was silent. "that's how I feel knowing that I lost you and knowing you're not coming back. I love you." "I love you too." I said as my voice cracked. I hung up but it's pathetic really. how I still hope it's me and him in the end. But also afraid to wait and not have a place in his life anymore. my dad lied two people can't stay happily in love forever.

EZRAS POV:
the worst sound in the world is the crack in the voice of someone who's about to cry and I just heard it from Aria. She's been gone for four days and I honestly don't think she's coming back. I sat at home thinking about everything I could've done more and than maybe she would have thought it through. maybe joked and made her laugh more and held her when she cried. but not here I am flying down the highway calling everyone we know. stopping at every place I can. Every hotel. I keep hittin the steering wheel and screaming her name at the windshield. tears soaking up my face. She warned me. she told me it was coming. She told me if things didn't change she was leaving. I just never believed she would really leave. I need to find her and beg her for one more try. in praying it's not to late because I need to fix my mistakes. When I heard her say that's alright about me losing her I had to think and wonder how many times she's said that to people in her life that have screwed her over somehow. I just hope one day she knows that my heart still stops when she looks at me. it's crazy because all of a sudden the girl who once cared about everything didn't care about anything anymore.