the perfect mistake

chapter 52: done

EZRAS POV:
It's 12 o clock and im awake. I should be sleeping but instead I lie awake thinking of all the things I could have said. And all the things I will never be able to say. I miss staring at the ceiling and listening to her breathing. nothing would be the same if she did not exist. Everything I did wrong just keeps haunting me. laying here without her in starting to realize why she gave up on me. what I didn't do was give me while heart to her. I won't ever get to hold her again because of what I wouldn't give. It kills me because how much she tried to make it work. all I would do I was out my self first. I took her for granted and pushed her away a little each day. Nothing goes as planned. everything usually breaks. people always say goodbye but in their own special way. she's in my veins and I can't get her out. It's like she went left and I went right. where did I go wrong?

ARIAS POV:
I just remember what everyone kept saying to me. before I got married. "what did I see in him?" like I just smiled and looked away because I was afraid if they knew they'd fall in love too. I try to hate him but I fail. maybe I fell for a shooting star that someone already wished upon. It's 4:47 am I sit on the balcony and I can't sleep anymore because every time I close my eyes they physically hurt from all the crying I did over him. I don't really know who I am or who I want to be I just don't want to be like this anymore. I keep thinking about all mine and ezras plans. moving to California and having kids. I always thought it'd be cool to have little people running around the house that are half me and half of the person I love (Ezra) I just always pictured one day waking up at 3am and looking over and seeing him and then the world wouldn't be so lonely anymore. I sit out here and feel the cold breeze. I sit in the chair with my knees pressed against my chest. I can feel my heart beat I just never thought it was still beating. I wrapped my arms around my legs and tugged them closer. A year ago everything was so different. I wouldn't have pictures myself like this. I pictured myself happy with Ezra. but I gotta keep in mind I'm living for me. I gotta do this for me. I gotta do what's right. I gotta end this with him. I don't think he wants to keep going on like this so I need to let him go. I love him that much to let him go. I'm just done crying, fighting... Trying, I'm done.