Connected 2 You

The Weight of Responsibility

I jumped when the door flew open and standing in the doorway was Seungmin, Jeongin and Lee Know.

I smiled big as they spilled in and surrounded the bed. The Captain took a step back and let them stand around me.

"Noona, how are you feeling?" Jeongin said standing on the left side of the bed.

I shrugged. "Better now that you and Puppy are here."

Lee Know and Seungmin stood on my right, taking the spot where the Captain had just been. I let my eyes wander around a bit, but he was nowhere to be found. So much for not going anywhere.

I felt bad. Like I was a bad big sister.

Here the boys had been talking to me for more than an hour, and I couldn't even begin to tell you what they had been talking about. At some point I had leaned all of the way back again and smiled when I thought appropriately.

Mavis had eventually made her way back into the room as well, but she had taken a seat down towards my feet and just observed. She would answer questions if they were directed at her, but mostly she watched as the boys interacted with each other and how I responded to their questions.

No doubt she had a running tally of every single time I had asked them to repeat the question they had just asked.

Jeongin patted my hand. "If you're tired, just let us know."

I nodded slightly. "I am a bit."

Lee Know put an arm around Seungmin's shoulders. "C'mon you two. Let's let your sister get some rest. I'm sure she has gone through a lot already today."

Jeongin reached out to hug me, then went around the bed to join them.

"Thank you Minho." I said as Seungmin did the same.

He smiled and nodded. "Anything for family."

I mirrored his smile and watched them go. Then I turned my attention to Mavis at the end of the bed. I wasn't sure how she was sitting criss-cross in the chair, but somehow she was.

"Where did you get a pad of paper?" I said yawning.

She smiled and continued writing. "Always keep paper on me. Never know when it may come in handy."

"Are you ever going to tell me what you wrote down?"

Mavis shrugged then set the pad of paper into her lap. "Why don't you tell me what I wrote down?"

"Problems paying attention, low retention of information, wrong facial expressions in conversation." I counted on my fingers.

"Did you talk to the Captain?" I asked.

She nodded. "I did."

"Sweet." I kept counting on my fingers. "Low rational skills, blocking emotional trauma, still having panic attacks, glutton for pain, and extremely easily manipulated."

Mavis smiled. "That's quite a long list that I have written down."

I shrugged. "I had a while to think."

"I could see that."

"Mavis?" I could feel emotion prickle behind my eyes.

"Hmm?" An eyebrow went up.

"She never lied to me."

Mavis nodded. "Master manipulators don't have to lie. They tell you the truth and then they echo your own fears about other people."

She stood up, put the pad of paper face down at the end of the bed and came closer to me, sitting on the edge of the bed. "What is something that she told you?"

I thought for a minute. "She said that the reason that I was happier with her was because with her, I was free."

Mavis shrugged a shoulder. "You did just come back from a trip, so now I guess is the best time to unpack." She raised an eyebrow.

"That was bad." I smiled.

Mavis chuckled, "But effective." She tilted her head. "Why do you not feel free here?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure."

Mavis thought for a second. "Let me rephrase it. What weighs on you while you are here that didn't while you were there?"

I looked down at my hands. "Them." I pointed towards the door.

Mavis nodded. "What responsibilities did you have with Rena?"

I shook my head slightly. "None. I just did what she told me."

Mavis smiled a bit. "Could it be that responsibility is a factor in your life that weighs heavily on your mind?"

I shrugged. "Maybe."

I looked back up to Mavis. "I have always looked out for them. Always. Everything that I did was for them."

Mavis smiled sadly. "You always have. You have raised them to be great humans. You have to do what a lot of parents have to do and let them be adults."

She paused. "And all of that with Rena you got to do for you?"

I nodded, finally getting it. "I wasn't worried about them. No one was hovering. I didn't feel like everyone was watching my every move just waiting for me to trip up again. I was included in decisions and got to make my own decisions."

Mavis patted my hand. "What made you feel like that here?"

"Mostly the Precinct. A lot of talking around me or telling me what to do when it came to me."

Mavis nodded. "Did you tell them about how you felt?"

"Yes and no."

Mavis nodded. "Well, I'm not going to give you homework today. We'll let your healing be your homework. But, seriously think about how you have handled yourself in those situations as they arose and what you did."

"In other words, no homework, but homework."

Mavis smiled. "It's only homework if you do it."

"Get some rest. I'll be here in the morning."

I nodded and watched as she gathered her things up. "Oh, and for the record." She held up her paper pad for me to see. Instead of notes there was a small doodle drawing of a person and a dog. "Most of my notes look like this."

I smiled and sighed. Slow and steady, I thought to myself.