Connected 2 You

Safe Place

Ba....

Badu...

Badum

Badum

Mint flooded my senses in the dark and a sense of calm went through my body.

I sighed and heard a small chuckle, but I dared not open my eyes. I didn't dare let this slip away just yet.

A light touch traced my jaw line, and there was a slight pressure on the top of my head. But still, I didn't dare open my eyes.

Warmth flooded through me and I felt the hand rest on my cheek. Finally, as I felt my heart rate slow I opened my eyes.

Dark brown eyes looked down at me, and a small smile creeped along his lips.

"I missed you." He whispered.

Tears sprang to my eyes and I shook my head. I didn't want this. I didn't deserve this.

I could feel his arms tighten around me. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not supposed to be here." I choked out.

"Hey, hey, hey." His thumbs wiped away tears as they fell from my eyes.

I stopped his hands. "I shouldn't be here."

"Y/N. You spent months with Mavis trying to come here as easily as you did just now. Why are you upset about that?"

I swiped at more tears in my eyes. "It means that I'm still too weak."

"No." He began shaking his head. "It means that you are strong."

He wiped another tear from my cheek. "You are so incredibly strong, and you have grown so much in the last few months."

I shook my head as he continued. "You were able to face that place again and stay standing. You were able to face Rena, knowing full well what she is capable of. You were able to avoid putting yourself in harm's way with a panic attack by coming here easily. Those things take incredible strength. You should be proud of yourself. It's ok that you are here."

"But, I didn't want to see you again." My eyes couldn't focus on his and I looked away.

"I know." He said sadly.

I sniffed in the silence.

"Do you feel safe here?"

My eyes turned up to meet his, until finally I nodded.

He smiled. "Then that means you made the right decision to come here. You shouldn't be upset about it."

He shifted slightly. "If you want, I can just hold you. You don't have to talk or to do anything but slow your heart rate until you are ready to leave. 5 minutes?"

I blinked a few times. Then I shook my head. "I'm supposed to talk and think things through while here right?"

He smiled. "That's what Mavis says at least, right?"

I nodded and then took a deep breath, mint swirling in my head. "I can't make the right choice."

He moved hair off of my cheek. "Of course you can."

I shook my head. "If I do what I know is right, I put everyone in danger. Everyone will get hurt because of me. Again."

I took a deep breath, willing myself to hold it together for just a bit longer. "But if I do what she wants, they could still get hurt and I... I-." I couldn't think anymore.

"Hey. You will make the right choice."

I shook my head, my voice coming out impossibly low. "I don't want to go back to prison." I closed my eyes but tears squeezed through anyway.

"Do you trust me?"

I opened my eyes.

He chuckled. "I mean, the real me."

I shrugged. "I don't know anymore."

He nodded. "But, you trust everyone else right?"

I nodded.

"Then trust that they will all fight for you. Regardless of the choice that you make. Whether it is the right or wrong choice, they will stand by you and fight for you."

I could feel my throat tighten up. "I can't... I don't want to let you down." I whispered as more tears spilled onto my cheeks.

He shook his head. "Impossible. You could never let me down."

I blinked a few times. "The real you." I sighed.

He smiled sadly. "I don't think you could ever let down the real me either."

I shook my head. "You looked at me with such hate the last time we talked. Like everything I had said was just made up. Like it was painful to look at me."

He shrugged. "He was probably surprised. You had already worked things through in your mind. He might have just needed time to process everything. Plus, it seems like he has come around to working with you. Progress is progress right?"

"You have a girlfriend." I said matter-of-factly.

"I know." He said quietly.

Silence stayed in between us.

"It's wrong for me to be here with you, when the real you has someone else. This place should belong to someone else."

He shook his head again. "This place is only yours."

He motioned to everything. "Everything here in this memory is yours. This version of the sun filtering through the curtains. Every shadow thrown on the wall by the two of us. This version of the bed below us. Every pillow and blanket here on the bed. This version of me, holding you like this. Every touch on your skin. This will never ever be anyone else's but yours."

"But, I can't even... I can't say your..." I stopped even trying.

"You will figure it out in time. When you are ready to process how to proceed with him, you will figure it out."

The light shifted, turning the room darker.

I looked around realizing what was about to happen. "I'm not ready to leave yet."

He nodded and placed a kiss onto my forehead. "You are. And you know what you have to do. You always did."

"No." I tried to move my arms to hold onto him, but they were stuck behind me.

He was fading faster and faster. The room growing darker and darker.

"No wait, come back." I cried.

My lips trembled as the upstairs bedroom faded away and the gray concrete blocks refilled my vision.

I could still feel tears sliding down my cheeks as the room refocused.

My eyes shifted around as best as they could, but it seemed like I was alone. My entire side screamed in protest as I tried to wiggle my fingers behind me.

I was alone and awake, in the last place I ever wanted to be again.