About a Girl

chapter nineteen

"You're insane," Kurt laughed, shaking his head. "It's freezing outside!"

Lily grinned. She took both of his hands in hers and gazed up at him with big begging eyes. "Pleaseeee? It's snowing, it's so pretty." She wanted to go for a walk in the woods, but Kurt thought it was too cold. "We can bring stuff to smoke, and if it's really too cold we can come back and warm each other up."

Lilly leaned into him, grazing her lips against his neck as she spoke; a soft sigh escaped Kurt's lips and she knew she had won.

"Alright, okay," he said.

Lilly giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tight. "Thank you Kurt," she whispered before pressing her lips to his.

They got dressed, layering t-shirts, flannels, and sweaters under their coats and tugging hats over their ears. They packed a backpack with books to read, a thermos of hot chocolate, some money, lighters, and a few pre-rolled joints in a plastic bag. When they were ready they left the apartment building and got in Kurt's car, driving away towards the woods and hiking trails. There was a few inches of snow on the ground, but the sun was shining and the temperature was a little warmer than it had been the past week. Nobody else was on the trails, so Kurt and Lily walked hand in hand, talking and laughing as loud as they wanted because there was no one around to hear them.

As they walked through the trees, Lily turned her face up to the sky. She breathed deeply, the frozen air filling her lungs and chilling her bones. She smiled; the frigid air woke up every nerve on her skin, making her feel more awake and alive with every breath she took. Without really thinking, she reached out and took Kurt's hand, squeezing it as their fingers intertwined.

Kurt looked over at Lily. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose was already turning red from the cold. Her eyes were wide and glassy, and bright with joy. He smiled and leaned closer to her, kissing her cheek softly. She turned to face him and grinned as their lips met. They stood in the middle of the forest as snowflakes fell all around them; they kept walking – in silence now, their hands still clasped together.

Usually they both hated silence, and constantly needed to be distracted by something, whether it was talking about something stupid or words from a book filling their heads or music blasting around them, filling the empty air that would otherwise be overtaken by thoughts racing around and around inside their heads. There was always something going on behind Kurt's eyes – something that Lily had noticed about him almost immediately – and Lily was the same way. It was the kind of thing that was mostly imperceptible to other people, but Kurt could always tell when Lily fell silent and her head stirred up a storm of thoughts as deep and dark as the bottom of the ocean, a storm that sometimes threatened to swallow her whole. In the same way, Lily noticed every time that Kurt's eyes glazed over and his mind drifted off into some far-away place that only existed to him.

But there in the woods where silence surrounded them from every side, they felt at peace. As they walked along the trail covered in glittering snow, it felt like the rest of the world melted away and they were the only two people to ever exist. They found a picnic table in a sunny clearing off to the side of the trail and Kurt pulled Lily over to it. He set the backpack down on the table and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, offering one to Lily before grabbing one for himself and fishing a lighter out of his pocket. Lily climbed onto the table and sat facing Kurt, her feet resting on the bench. He sat down on the bench, her legs on either side of him, and watched her face as she leaned back on her hand and closed her eyes. God, he could have stared at her forever. Her soft pink lips parted as she breathed out a cloud of smoke; Kurt bit his lip and smiled as he admired her.

He reached into the backpack and pulled out a joint, bringing it to his lips and lighting the end before taking a long hit and inhaling the smoke. He exhaled and tried his best not to cough, but failed, making Lily laugh as she reached for the joint and took a hit herself.

A few minutes later, the joint was gone and they were back to smoking cigarettes, both of them feeling warm, happy, and a little dazed. Kurt had moved up onto the table and was laying down with his head in Lily's lap, both of them gazing up at the sky as the sunlight soaked into their skin. As Kurt laid there, he started to feel like he was melting into Lily. The warmth of her body spread through him, making his skin tingle. He reached out to touch her, stroking her hair and face gently. Lily looked down at him and grinned.

"Hey pretty boy," she whispered.

Kurt just stared back at her, smiling like an idiot as he watched her. She was so beautiful. The sunlight made strands of her dark hair turn to gold. It framed her head, glowing like a halo. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were bright pink from the cold and there were little snowflakes caught in her long eyelashes. Lily laughed softly as Kurt kept staring at her.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" she giggled.

"You look like an angel," he breathed.

Lily blushed an even darker pink and her eyes prickled with tears. She didn't say anything, just leaned down and pressed her forehead to Kurt's. He smiled at her and kissed her lips gently, telling her that he understood, that she didn't need to say anything in response because he didn't expect her to say anything.

"You're my angel," he whispered, his lips brushing against hers as he spoke.

"I love you, Kurt Cobain," Lily murmured.

"I love you more, Lily Stevens,"