About a Girl

chapter thirty four

March 6, 1993

Lily was paralyzed. She couldn't move, she couldn't speak, she couldn't feel anything. She sat in the little sterilized-white room in the ER, her nails digging into the foam of the hospital bed.

"Hun?" the nurse asked, touching her shoulder gently. "You ok?"

Lily jumped a little, startled by the sudden contact. She blinked and looked up at the nurse. "Uh, yeah. I'm fine." she said. "I'm sorry, can you repeat what you just told me?"

The nurse sighed. Her dull gray eyes were filled with sympathy. "I said your urine test came back and other than the fact that you're severely dehydrated, you're fine."

Lily nodded. She was fine. Everything was fine. There was nothing to worry abou–

"And you're pregnant."

–t.

Fuck.

"Pregnant?" Lily asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes," the nurse replied. "About five or six weeks along. Now, I'm sorry honey but we have other patients so we really need you to get going, alright?"

Lily nodded and the nurse took her hand, guiding her out of the room and down the hall to the waiting room where Kurt was sitting, fiddling with his lighter and bouncing his leg anxiously. When he noticed the nurse and Lily, he jumped up and hurried over to them, putting an arm around Lily's shoulder and holding her close. She melted into the warmth and comfort of his touch. He shot the nurse a questioning look and she gave him a tight-lipped smile.

"Make sure she drinks plenty of water and she'll be fine," the nurse said. "Have a nice day. Goodbye." And then she was gone, off to help somebody else.

Lily was silent for the entire car ride back to the apartment she and Kurt shared. Kurt didn't bother her, he could tell something was wrong, but he didn't want to ask too many questions and upset her. Plus, he knew she would talk to him when she was ready. When they got home, Lily stumbled over to the kitchen table and sat down, resting her head on the table in an attempt to stop the awful spinning feeling. Kurt made her a cup of tea, placing it next to her and tapping her gently to get her to sit up before taking a seat across from her. She smiled at him gratefully and sipped her tea. The silence dragged on painfully.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he finally asked. "Please talk to me." Kurt reached out, taking Lily's hand and holding onto it tightly to remind her that he was here for her, that he wasn't going to leave and he wasn't going to let go.

The little act of kindness made Lily's eyes fill with tears. "I'm pregnant..." she cried, squeezing her eyes shut and covering her face with her empty hand. "I'm sorry! I don't know what we're gonna do! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Kurt was stunned. He sat staring at Lily, frozen in place for a second, before quickly moving to pull her up from the chair and into a hug. He held her close to his heart as she cried. His tongue was numb and so, unsure of what to say, he grabbed the keys and took Lily's hand, leading her out of the apartment and back into the car.

"W-Where are we going?" Lily asked, sniffling a little as Kurt drove away from the apartment building.

"You'll see," he mumbled absentmindedly.

A few minutes later, the car pulled into the empty driveway of a house in a strange neighborhood. Lily looked around, confused. Kurt got out of the car and came over to the passenger side, taking Lily's hand again and pulling her up to the front door of the house. Her eyes widened as she watched Kurt fumble with a key in the lock before being dragged into the empty house. Once inside, her jaw fell open as she took in the interior of the house, even more beautiful than the outside.

"Kurt," she whispered, afraid of getting caught. "Who's house is this?" She felt him behind her, his chest pressed against her back, his arms around her waist.

"It's our house," he replied. "Yours...and mine...and hers." His hand slid down Lily's stomach, his palm pressed flat against the spot where their baby was growing inside her.

Lily felt her eyes stinging once more, only this time with tears of joy as her heart swelled with love and happiness. She turned to look at Kurt, hardly daring to believe that what he said was true. He smiled at her.

"I was gonna wait until your birthday...but I thought now was a good time to tell you," he said. "I know you must be scared shitless right now – trust me, so am I – but I know everything's going to be ok. You're my family, Lily. And I want this," he gestured at the house "to be our home, where we talk and laugh and eat good food and read and play music and love each other."

Lily was speechless. The tears in her eyes slid down her cheeks but the smile on her face and the look of love in her eyes shone brighter than every star in the night sky.

"I love you," Kurt said. He leaned in, resting his forehead on hers.

"I love you too," Lily breathed.

"How do you know it's a girl?" Lily asked as she and Kurt sat at the kitchen table in their apartment, eating Chinese takeout.

Kurt shrugged. "Just do," he said simply. "Can't you tell? I thought women could like, feel that kind of shit or something."

Lily snorted and rolled her eyes at him. "I'm not a witch, y'know," she set down her chopsticks, sitting back in her chair. "God, I can't believe this is actually happening."

Kurt grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze and rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. "Me neither," he said. "But I'm happy it is."

Lily smiled, looking over at him. His blue eyes were lit up with joy. "Yeah, me too," she admitted.

For her whole life, Lily had no idea what she wanted to do when she grew up. She was clueless as to what her "calling" in life was. But now that she was with Kurt, now that she was pregnant, she felt like she was finally sure about what she wanted. She wanted to be a mother. She wanted to have a family. She wanted to build the home she never had growing up. And she wanted, more than anything, to do it with Kurt Cobain.