About a Girl

chapter twenty nine

February 17, 1993

Lily groaned in pain, the sound vibrating through her chest and echoing around the tiled bathroom walls. She was curled up on the floor next to the toilet, where she'd been spending at least half of her time for the past week. She had a horrible stomach flu, something she must have picked up from work, and had been struggling to keep any food down. Everything she ate ended up back in the porcelain bowl an hour later. Kurt had been so worried that he almost didn't go to Minnesota to record the album with the band, but Lily had forced him – practically kicking and screaming – out of the door. Mostly because she was dying to hear the new music, but also because she knew how important it was to him.

Still, he made sure to call her multiple times a day and check on her, and Lily would be lying if she said that his kindness and attentiveness didn't make her feel a thousand times better. Every time she heard his voice on the phone, her stomach would cease its angry gurgling and fade into a swarm of happy butterflies. Three days ago, for Valentine's, Kurt had shyly read Lily some lyrics he'd been working on for a song that was about her. The words were so sweet and genuine that Lily had almost started crying, but she managed to keep her composure until they had said their goodbyes and I love yous. There wasn't room on the album for the song, but Kurt had promised that it would be on the next one they made. Lily didn't really care about the song being on any albums, she cared more about the fact that Kurt had put into words everything that she felt in her heart for him – and that the feelings she had were the same as his.

Lily smiled to herself as she thought of all this. The sweet memories were a welcome reprieve from the nausea and cramping in her abdomen. She'd already called in sick to work twice this week and it was looking like she was going to have to again. Not that Steve minded, he actually didn't want Lily anywhere near him in her condition. He had a strong aversion to vomiting. Then again, what sane person doesn't?

As some of the nausea began to subside, Lily slowly got to her feet, flushed the toilet, washed her hands and face, rinsed out her mouth, and took a few small sips of water from the tap. She wandered into the kitchen where she picked up the phone and dialed the number of the record shop; Steve picked up after a couple of rings. She told him that she was sick again, and that she was sorry, and that she'd make up the shifts she missed with overtime. Steve told her not to worry, just to focus on resting, drinking plenty of water, and getting better. Lily hung up the phone with a smile. She loved her job at the record store. Everyone who came through the doors was lovely and she got to be surrounded by music every day. She was even allowed to read while she sat at the register, waiting for customers to check out. It was perfect.

Lily strolled over to the couch, planning on laying down and falling asleep to the soothing sounds of daytime TV. But just as she collapsed into a pile in a corner on the couch, there was a loud knock on the front door. That's weird, she thought. Who could possibly be there? She groaned to herself as she got up again and dragged herself to the door.

"Hello? Who's ther–" Lily froze as she opened the door to reveal none other than Courtney Love standing in front of her.

"Hiiii," said Courtney, her voice sickly sweet. "Can I come in?"

"Uhm...yeah I guess so," Lily mumbled, standing aside and letting the bleach-blonde bombshell in.

She couldn't help the way she stared in awe as Courtney strutted into the apartment. In spite of the way she had treated Lily at the New Year's party, Courtney Love was still an icon to Lily. She'd been in love since the day she heard "Pretty on the Inside" and had always dreamed of meeting her. And now, the legend herself was standing in Lily's home.

"Uh, Kurt's not here right now," Lily said. "He's in–"
"Oh I know," said Courtney, her voice and air of confidence drowning out Lily's shy, tired demeanor. "He's in Minnesota with the guys, recording the new NIRVANA album. I'm here cuz I wanted to talk to you."

Lily's eyes nearly popped out of her skull. "What?"

"Yeah," continued Love, smiling at the short, scrawny girl. "I wanted to say I'm sorry for how I acted at the party. I was drunk and jealous and I said some really cunty shit and I'm sorry. But you don't have to worry, I'm totally over Kurt now."

Lily smiled at Courtney's words. "That's really nice of you, thanks," she said. "Uhm, do you want something to drink? We have tea."

Courtney grinned. "Tea would be great."

Lily shuffled into the kitchen, filling the kettle with water and putting it on the stove to boil. Courtney took a seat at the kitchen table as Lily found two mugs and dropped a lemon-ginger tea bag into each one. When the water was hot enough, she filled the mugs and brought them over to the table, handing one to Courtney as she sat down.

"So...what did you want to talk about?" Lily asked timidly.

Courtney took a second before responding, sipping her tea and glancing around the apartment. "I wanted to get to know you a little. Like, how old are you, what do you do, how do you know Kurt, stuff like that."

"Oh, well I'm 18 – 19 in March – I work at a record shop downtown and I've known Kurt since I was little. He was my sister's best friend. They always let me tag along with them and I always had a crush on him."

"So then...how did you two get together?" asked Love, her brow creasing in confusion.

Now it was Lily's turn to drink her tea. "When he came back to Aberdeen for Thanksgiving last fall, we spent a lot of time together, talking and catching up and shit, and I don't know I guess I just remembered all the things I loved about him and fell for him and the person he had become right away." She smiled to herself as she stared into her mug of golden liquid.

"Aw, that's cute," said Love. "So you're really in love with him?"

Lily looked up, surprised at the question. "Uh, yeah. I am."

Courtney was quiet for a while. She stared at Lily from across the table, looking her up and down and taking her in. Lily could almost hear the gears turning in her head as Courtney considered her.

"He hasn't told you yet, has he?"

"Told me what?"

Courtney laughed. "Oh yeah, he definitely hasn't told you."

"What are you talking about?" snapped Lily. She hated being talked down to. By 18 she'd lived through and experienced more than most people did by the time they were 60 and she couldn't stand being treated like a child.

Courtney sighed dramatically. "Ever heard of a little thing called heroin?"

Lily blinked.

"Well, Kurt has. He's an addict, Lily. He keeps saying he's going to quit, but he doesn't. He can't. He loves the shit more than life itself and I can guarantee you he loves it more than he loves you."

Lily was stunned. She sat there paralyzed as her head raced with a hundred different thoughts and emotions. She had no idea what to think. Courtney got up from her seat and walked to the door.

"Just thought you should know. Good luck with everything!" She called before leaving the apartment, the door slamming shut behind her.

Lily scrambled out of her chair and across the room to the sink. She choked as bile burned its way up her throat and her stomach convulsed as she vomited yet again.