About a Girl

chapter fifty four

November 18, 1993

It had been over a month of touring, and after tonight the band was finally going to get a break for a week. But tonight, they were performing and recording their Unplugged set for MTV. And Lily was fucking excited. NIRVANA's management team had gotten a babysitter for Maisie, so Lily was going to get to watch the performance!

She sat with Kurt, Krist, Dave, and Pat backstage, grinning to herself just thinking about getting to see the show. Kurt was smiling too, but she couldn't figure out why. She peered over Kurt's shoulder as he took a final look over the set list. It was a great fucking set, and she was bouncing on her toes in anticipation for the show already.

Finally, someone came into the room where they were relaxing, waiting for the show to start, and told Lily that it was time to take her seat in the audience and that the guys should start preparing. Lily kissed Kurt goodbye and wished them all luck before leaving and taking her seat at the front of the crowd. She smiled, looking over the stage. It was covered with black candles and...lilies. The stage was covered in lilies.

Not too long after, NIRVANA came onstage and the show began in earnest. It wasn't the same as a typical concert, seeing as how they were recording the whole thing, and that was its own monster. But still, Lily felt the same unmistakable feeling that she had every time she listened to the band's music and every time she saw them play. It was the feeling of belonging. Of having the things inside you — the things you felt and thought and dreamed about — repeated back in the most beautiful and perfectly imperfect way imaginable. She found it hard not to cry, sitting right in front of Kurt, his eyes flirting over to her every few minutes and smiling softly at her. It was nearly impossible to keep it together during About a Girl (a song that Kurt confessed was written about Tessa, and that he later only thought of Lily when he sang), Dumb (a piece that was arguably the most vulnerable and truthful projection of how he saw himself), and Something in the Way (a haunting anthem of their hometown). But she got through the show without completely making a fool of herself.

As the band finished playing All Apologies, Kurt stared out into the crowd. Some of his closest friends were in the first few rows and right in front of where he sat with his guitar was the girl he loved more than anything. He thought about the jokes he'd cracked during the show, how he knew that she got every one of them because she understood him like no one else did. He thought of the way she loved him — the way she had always loved him — with her whole being; how every broken piece of her heart fit against every broken piece of his.

"Alright, we're gonna play one more song tonight...it's for someone really special to me, and I really hope I don't screw it up because I'm gonna ask her to marry me after the show and I really want her to say yes."

The words turned the air in the room to stone, and Lily couldn't breathe for a moment as the sound of Kurt's voice sank into her sink, into her bones. And then, he started to play, and she could breathe again. This time, her deep brown eyes, open wide with shock, filled with silent tears that slipped down her cheeks, falling onto her lap, as she listened to him sing.

"She gives me everything, and tenderly,

the kiss my lover brings, she brings to me.

And I love her.

Bright are the stars that shine, dark is the sky.

I know this love of mine, will never die,

as long as I hold her near me.

A love like ours will never die,

as long as I hold you near me.