About a Girl

chapter forty

Lily wiggled uncomfortably as the ultrasound technician spread cold blue jelly all over her stomach. Kurt giggled at her obvious discomfort and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Alright, Miss Stevens," the technician said. "You're about 15 weeks along, so we'll be able to see the sex of your baby today. Would you like to know if it's a boy or a girl?"

Lily nodded excitedly. "Yes please," she replied. Kurt squeezed her hand and she smiled at him.

The technician nodded and then turned her attention to the screen in front of her. As she moved the scanner back and forth over Lily's stomach, Kurt and Lily held their breaths. They were both filled with anticipation over what Bean would be born as and a little bit of anxiety about whether their baby was healthy. And then the most beautiful sound filled the room: their baby's heartbeat, strong and steady. Lily gasped softly, bringing a hand to her mouth. Her eyes went wide with awe as she listened to the sound of Bean's little heart beating.

"Kurt," she breathed. "Kurt, do you hear that?"

Kurt nodded, his eyes filling with tears of joy. "Yeah, baby, I hear it," he laughed. He stood up, coming to Lily's side and putting an arm around her shoulders, holding her close and kissing the top of her head.

"Okay, and it looks like your baby is a very healthy little girl," said the technician, smiling over at Kurt and Lily's awestruck faces. "Everything seems to be progressing well. Congratulations."

Kurt and Lily left the doctor's office hand in hand, practically skipping with glee. Both of them had huge smiles plastered across their faces as they walked to their car in the parking lot outside. However, their dreamy happiness was interrupted when several reporters with cameras swarmed around them on the sidewalk in front of the car. Kurt was quick to pull Lily into his arms, wanting to keep her close to him and also trying to hide her by now pretty obviously swollen belly. The reporters shouted questions at the couple, most of them along the lines of "why are you at the doctors'?" "is everything ok?" and "are you here because of your heroin abuse?"

Lily was frightened by the shouting and the flashing lights of the cameras and she clung to Kurt, hiding her face in his neck. Kurt was annoyed by the reporters and concerned for Lily; he tried to comfort her by rubbing her back, while at the same time doing his best to get the reporters to leave them alone.

"No we're not here because of my issues with heroin," Kurt snapped. "I've been sober for almost 2 months."

Eventually, after several minutes of Kurt and Lily huddling together in silence and refusing to answer any of the reporters' questions, they left the couple alone and they were finally able to get in their car and drive home.

"I didn't like that," Lily said as they drove home.

Kurt sighed. "I'm sorry," he said softly. He felt terrible that his career was starting to negatively affect Lily. He knew that the constant exposure was stressful and annoying to him, but he wanted to keep Lily as safe as he could from the piranhas of the media.

"It's ok, it's not your fault," Lily replied, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "It's just a part of your life, and I guess mine now, too."

"Thank you for being so understanding," Kurt said, smiling over at her.

Lily smiled back, running her fingers through his hair and brushing it behind his ear tenderly. "I love you, Kurt. And I know that you love what you do, so I'm more than happy to put up with the tiny inconveniences that come with being in love with the most famous rockstar in the goddamn world."

Kurt laughed and shook his head. "God, how the fuck did I become a famous rockstar?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Maybe because you're insanely talented, a musical genius, and sexy as hell? Or because you worked for it and never gave up on your dreams?"

Kurt blushed at her compliments. "Thank you," he mumbled, squeezing her hand appreciatively.

"Of course, baby," Lily replied, grinning at his bashfulness.

When they arrived at home, after greeting Pippin with hugs and kisses and pats on the head, Lily went straight to the kitchen to make lunch/dinner and Kurt flopped down on the couch in the living room, picking up his acoustic guitar and strumming it softly, humming little tunes to himself all the while.

"Kurt, how does grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup sound?" Lily called from the kitchen.

"Fucking delicious," Kurt called back.

While Lily cooked, he continued playing around on the guitar, experimenting with some new chord progressions and rhythms that had been floating around in his head. He'd been collecting lyrics for a new song for months, but was having trouble finding the perfect sound for it. He wanted this song to be perfect, even more than he usually did, because this song was for Lily. He hadn't told her about the song – partially because he wanted it to be a surprise, but mostly because he was shy and a little embarrassed – but he knew that he needed her help with it as he sat on the couch trying to perfect the melody.

"Hey, Lily, can you come help me with something?" he called to her.

"Yeah, one second," she replied. A few moments later she came out of the kitchen and stood leaning in the doorway, smiling at him. "What's up?"

"Come here," Kurt murmured, gesturing for her to join him on the couch. She obeyed, taking a seat next to him and leaning her head on his shoulder. "How do I make this sound better?"

He played a few notes, soft and slow at first but they grew harsher as the song went on, and then went into the chords, humming the melody to himself as he played. When he was done, he looked over at Lily, who was chewing on her lip, her brow crinkled in thought. She told him to play it one more time, and halfway through the song interrupted, exclaiming that she had figured it out.

"I got it! You need to blend the beginning notes into the chords more," she said. "Otherwise – and don't get me wrong, it still sounds good – but it's a little bit blocky."

"Blocky?"

"Yeah, like it sounds like two parts of a song put together instead of one whole song...does that make any sense?"

Kurt nodded, a smile growing on his lips. "Yeah, I think I know what you mean," he said.

Lily grinned. "Think about And I Love Her," she continued. "How the first few notes go right into the chords, and it makes it all flow together so beautifully. You could try something like that, instead of just having the opening notes and then the chords." She stood up, still smiling, and saying that she had to get back to the food before it burned. But Kurt grabbed a hold of her, pulling her back onto the couch and smothering her in kisses.

"Thank you," he whispered, pressing one last kiss to her forehead.

Lily giggled. "Anytime, lovey."

"So what did you name the new album again?" Lily asked, her mouth full of grilled cheese.

"In Utero," Kurt replied. "I wanted to name it I Hate Myself and I Want to Die, but Dave and Krist and our fucking management team wouldn't let me."

Lily laughed. "That would've been great for the press," she said sarcastically. Kurt laughed along with her. "I like In Utero, though."

"Yeah, me too," he agreed. "It's kind of ironic, too. We decided on that name way before you got pregnant."

Lily smirked, narrowing her eyes at Kurt. "You didn't get me pregnant on purpose, did you?" she teased. "So your album would make sense?"

Kurt snorted. "God, no," he said. "This was a complete accident. A happy accident, yes, but still an accident. I mean, I did want kids, but I would never have pushed that on you or forced you into it, especially because you're so young I never would ha-"

"Kurt, it's fine," Lily laughed, cutting off his nervous rambling. "I was just fucking with you, don't worry. And I'm ecstatic about our little accident, by the way."

Kurt smiled warmly at her, reaching across the table and lacing their fingers together. "I fucking love you, Lily Stevens," he breathed.

"I love you more, Kurt Cobain," she replied.