Cursing the Moon Goddess

Chapter Thirty Two

Mikaela POV

Asher never trusted me. He hated me, yet he tried to protect me from his wolf. And in the wolf world, he accepted my rejection. Then I woke up and Cole was my second chance Mate. Then the Moon Goddess came to see me and told me that after Asher's rejection, I should have died. She told me I wasn't supposed to survive my battle with Asher's father. I think the only reason I didn't was because of my bond to Cole. But, was that real? It didn't feel like the bond I had to Asher, it was softer, weak. Just. Like. Me.

I know I had decided for him to be my chosen Mate, but a second chance one? I don't think I deserve one, I probably just imagined it. After what I did to my previous bond, the Moon Goddess would never send me a second chance. She'd rather I be dead. I don't know how to feel. I need to talk to her again. But my wolf doesn't know how to get us to their spirit world.

And Cole didn't seem to feel the bond. He didn't mention it, he didn't even kiss me goodbye properly. Maybe he realized I don't deserve for him to choose me. I thought I did, but I never noticed Asher's pain. I never cared for it. How could I deserve a Mate?

I try hard to ignore these thoughts while my pack visits me at the hospital.

- Why aren't you guys at the ceremony? – I ask them.

Only eight got out. Anthony and his Mate Emma were the ones who visited me first. They aren't all allowed in at the same time.

- We aren't allowed to attend. – Emma says. It seems we aren't allowed many things.

- We'd give out your position. They'd put Blue Moon in danger of being attacked. – Tony tells me.

- You're right. It's not good for you to attend. – I say and try to find the words to ask the question that's been haunting me since I woke up.

- Who else is here? – I finally ask.

- Only some of our warriors. Dan, Leah, Janet, Harold, Denis and Josh. – Emma says.

- The rest? – I need to know who stayed and who... died.

- Marcus died. – Anthony tells me. He then goes on to name other 27 deceased wolves. Including Oscar, who died protecting me. He gives me a moment to let it all sink in. I didn't know every wolf he named. I felt terrible about that.

- Beckett decided to stay with Sam. – Emma said. The former rogues couldn't leave the pack because of their oath to the pack when they joined. Since Anthony didn't name Chris with the deceased pack members, I want to believe he is still alive.

- And Chris? – I ask because I need to know for sure.

- He also had to stay. – Tony said.

- I hope they don't get executed. – Emma says.

- What do you mean? – I ask... then it slowly starts to make sense.

The rogues that swore loyalty to Crescent Moon pack were probably considered traitors to Asher's father. It's likely they won't be allowed to live.

- They betrayed Lionel. – Tony confirms my thoughts.

- This is all so terrible. – My voice comes out as a whisper.

I can't believe any of this is happening. I truly was the worst Alpha any pack could ever have. I lost my pack. I lost their lives for nothing. They died for nothing, and I can't even remember all of their names. I start crying once it all finally hits me.

Anthony hugs me and keeps telling me everything is fine. But it's not. I let my pack down. I broke my bond and insulted the Moon Goddess. I did everything wrong. Moon Goddess is right; I shouldn't be alive. I feel the tiredness wrap me as I slowly cry myself to sleep.