What could truly be horrific about mental illness?
It's often assumed that we have control over our thoughts,
That we can simply will ourselves to feel better.
But it's not that easy, it's not that simple.
Do they think I'm just being overdramatic?
Do they think I want to be like this?
Do they think I was happy living in this darkness?
Do they think I want to keep fighting, or give up?
If only they knew the horrors of losing my mind,
The constant battle of overthinking and regret,
The isolation I choose to shield myself from the pain.
If only they knew the fear of memory loss,
The struggle to remember due to depression's grip.
If only they knew the anguish of not recalling hurtful words,
Feeling like a ghost, detached from myself.
If only they knew the despair of losing precious years,
Anxiety and depression stealing moments and memories.
If only they understood the silent cries for help,
Before the word "help" even existed.
If only they understood the invisible pain I feel,
Existing in this world is a torture in itself.
If only they felt the frustration of losing control,
Hurting loved ones despite knowing it's wrong.
If only they experienced the loneliness and isolation,
The fear of forming connections, expecting abandonment.
If only they knew how desperately I long for someone to save me,
Yet fear the judgment that may follow my plea.
And if only they knew the weight of my illness on others,
I know it's not easy for you, and I'm sorry.
But what truly terrifies me about mental illness,
Is finding solace in others while they face their own storms,
Putting their needs above my own, disregarding myself.
Some may believe I'm fabricating it all,
Wishing I had control over these unpredictable moods.
No matter what I do or what they say, I'm never truly cured,
It lingers in the shadows, waiting to strike.
So here I am, finding solace in solitude,
Yet the ache of loneliness refuses to fade.
In my chaotic mind, I find peace in being alone,
Because being broken and left behind is a greater pain.
YOU ARE READING
Dean's Introspection and Poetry
PoetryI'm in my journey to self-discovery and understanding. I wanna do some introspection and allows myself for deep reflection and exploration of emotions and experiences. These poems are the reflection of my thoughts, emotions, life and experiences.
