Better off dead

Better off dead chapter 27

Gerard's POV

"Frank... Frankie, come on, lets get you inside..." I sighed, holding back sobs as I looked at the state he was in.

Why did I leave him?

"G-Gerard, no get away f-from me! D-don't hurt me please! I'm sorry, she didn't kill me because you're gonna do it aren't you! Please G-Gerard don't do it!" He cried, as I touched his hand trying to pull him up as he winced away, further back and into the bush.

"I'm not going to do anything frank, just p-please come inside with me..." I sobbed, crouching further down as he stared in fear at me, as if I'd just told him I would kill him if he moved.

"Yeah Gerard! You won't do anything when you've bit me, will you? You'll just leave me there like she said you would and then what? Go and f-find your next victim and fill them with all that I l-love you crap before you fu-fucking kill them!" He broke down, a ball of tears rolled up on the floor, sobbing into the ground.

"I-I... Frank please, I don't know w-what to say..." I stopped talking, running a hand over his back in a circular motion and rubbing it, making his breathing become more controlled.

"Just please come inside..." I whispered, holding back more tears, as I knelt in closer to him and wrapped my arms around his torso, lifting him. Pulling him up and carrying him bridal style, I walked over to the front door and glanced down to him.

Where have I seen this moment before?

Only this time it's worse.

Sitting him down on the sofa and making a glass of water, I walked back into the room and handed him the drink, sitting down beside him and putting my arm around him, feeling his subtle shaking.

"I'm not going to hurt you baby... Just tell me what you're thinking..." I leaned in, placing a soft kiss to the side of his neck, laying my head in the crook of his neck and holding his right hand in my left, my right arm lazily thrown around his waist.

Whimpering softly at my touch then adjusting to me, he relaxed and started to rub his thumb over my hand, begging to shakily speak.

"What i'm t-thinking? S-she was there Gerard, everything she knows e-everything..." He breathed, turning and looking to me with big helpless eyes.

"Okay Frankie... Where was she?" I tried hurrying the conversation, remembering the reason why I had rushed home.

I was still low.

"I-I went to a bar b-because she... She told me to do it... I didn't realise until now but it's h-her, the voice it was always her Gerard, telling me to end it or that another drink w-would help and now, that's she knows, she keeps telling me that you're gonna kill me... That you'll just l-leave me there to die, it was just in dreams but now... Now it's all d-day, I don't want to trust you a-anymore, at the bar she didn't follow me and kill me to get revenge on you because she knows..." He sobbed, his head in the crook of my neck as I ran my hand up and down his back, still letting him hold my hand in his.

"Shh... What does she know baby..." I whispered, leaning in and kissing his collar bone lightly.

"She's in my head, she knows that if she can b-break me down enough you'll do it yourself, she knows she doesn't have a reason to want me dead so she's using me to tear you apart... M-making me think you're somebody I can't trust is killing you and me, you'll destroy yourself over me and that's what she knows... That's why I won't trust you, she's shown me w-what's gonna happen and I can't let that happen, I don't even know who I am anymore Gerard! I'm against myself, no matter what I do now I can't bring myself to trust you, she's as real as she is in the dreams so there's n-nothing to prove that what you did to me won't happen..." He whimpered, tugging at my shirt in anger at himself.

It wasn't his fault and he didn't need to be dragged into it, she could have just killed me. It was silly really, all this trauma, just because forever doesn't always mean forever.

The pain I was feeling in watching this was beyond any deep metaphor, this pain was indescribably awful. My heart was being squeezed in my chest and something was filling my lungs with water and this pain was stopping me from functioning. He was right, she knew what she was doing, she was going to destroy me by destroying Frank.

"Gerard... You're breathing..." He pulled back, sitting in our original way, with myself having my head on his neck and arm round his waist and him just letting us be.

"You don't want to trust me Frank, I'm fucking sad, but I understand. It's just hard knowing that if I changed you non of this shit would happen because then she would know that you weren't going anywhere..." I half laughed, wiping away one of my final tears and giving him a half smile. "But I'm also still indescribably and utterly in love..." I placed his hand on my chest and watched his face slowly light up in a smile.

"You're the only person who can do this to me frank, this is all for you... And if you can't trust me, I'm going to give you something to trust, no matter what you're told..." I smiled, leaning down and kissing down from his lips to his neck.

"I'm not going to hurt you Frankie..." I breathed, laying him down on the sofa and straddling his hips, lowering my mouth to his neck as he nodded slowly.

This wouldn't fix everything but I just wanted to prove myself to him, I loved him with everything I had and that was trust.

Trust is showing somebody that no matter how hard it gets you'll always carry them. I would support Frank all his life, eternity if he would let me change him.

Gently, I grazed my fangs over his neck and slowly I sank them in. This is how I was going to show him my trust, being able to show restraint on the thing I want most when it's perfectly easy to take right now. Without flinching, he breathed slowly and opened his eyes, looking to me as a took my mouth from his neck before leaning down and gently kissing his lips.

Taking back to his neck and keeping eye contact, I sucked slowly on the punctures. Unlike the first time we had done this, this time I was aware of what I was doing. I was being slow and careful, I would not hurt him, ever.

Licking over the mark I had made on his neck, I moved his hands from around my hips and placed them either side of his head. Sitting up, still on him, I held his hands to my chest and leaned back down to kiss him calmly on his lips.

"I love you frank, you can trust me... I promise..." I pulled away, feeling the (no longer rare) sensation of my breathing.

God I loved him so much.

"I love you too and I know I can, I do, it's just she tells me I shouldn't..." He smiled, looking slightly taken back by how different that was from the first time we had done it.

"Sugar, I know, it's just the fear of falling apart..." I whispered, looking down at him from where I was sat.

I was sat on my frankie.

A seat of complete advantage...

Control yourself damn it!

Look how far you've come, one day your playing Lego with an abused six year old, the next you're straddling his hips on your sofa and wanting to stay like this forever.

Spending all you time wondering if the feelings mutual...