A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 1- Trouble Sleeping

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Laying there in bed, all I keep thinking of is how much I wish Kalston was lying next to me. Even though the intention wasn't for things to end up the way they did the other night, It doesn't change how much I really enjoyed his presence through the night. How safe I felt before things flipped, and how much I want that safety now. I'm not sure what is going on with me, but with him, there's a sense of calm and stability that I am desperate for. Even more so the more I get to know him. I'm beginning to realize how much I'm becoming attached to him. How he's becoming home to me.

I'm not sure exactly if this is love in a romantic sense or simply liking him that way. I love everyone, so knowing exactly if that's the case, I want to give it more time. All I know is that for once in my life, I feel like I'm doing something more than simply living. More than passing from day to day waiting for my life to shift from waiting for my future to it finally being here. For my tale to finally reach that point where the passing time finally reaches its purpose and happy ending. For things to feel... more.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. I've been happy. My life has had purpose. But, it's always felt lacking in a way. It may sound cliche, but yes, I've been a girl waiting for her true love to come. Everything before that point has felt like it was preparing for that next chapter. That happily ever after. That life together spent growing and creating something greater together with your significant other. I like to feel like that wasn't what's been holding me back, that my puzzle was perfectly complete and seen clearly without someone else, but being here, in this moment, these late-night thoughts haunting me, I know that's what I've been waiting on. Why even after hitting that point in my life where I've been doing what I feel the Lord created me for, spreading His word in my own kind of way and living comfortably from it, I still felt like I was waiting for something more. I always thought that empty space was my past hidden and taken from me, but now I know that wasn't fully the case.

'Are you sure about that?'

Maybe...

My thoughts threatening to keep me from falling back to sleep, I know fighting the insomnia isn't going to get me anywhere but lingering too much on what my mind doesn't need to be thinking about so far after dark. So early before the sun's risen. Thoughts held then aren't always that good to hang onto. It's best to let them wait until morning to better grasp where the source is truly coming from.

My phone goes off, and I smile at the thought that at least I won't be spending the rest of the night alone.

💬Hey Sunshine. I can't sleep, are you up?

Yeah. What's keeping you up? 🗨️

Keeping it quiet, I get up to make myself some tea. Oliver is too up.

"Hey, buddy. I didn't wake you did I?"

I pick him up once the kettle is on and head to the couch.

💬 My thoughts are taunting me. I was still worried about you. Did you get any sleep? I didn't wake you, did I?

No, I had a long nap earlier. Sorry, I forgot to text you when I got home. I didn't mean to keep you worrying. 🗨️

Grabbing the cover off the back of the couch and pulling it around me, the scent of Kalston still lingers on it from the night before. I breathe it in and let the peace settle over me. But it quickly turns to longing.