A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 42- Around Every Corner

(Kalston's POV)

While heading down the hall back to I's room, I can't help but to keep looking back over my shadow. Every dark corner and empty room frightens me now. I wonder if this is how I will always be. If I'll always look for what's hiding in the shadows. At least for now, it seems to be what I'm stuck with. I can't even tell if the feeling of being watched is real or my imagination. I've never felt it so strongly, so maybe it's my imagination. But I also haven't seen a ghost before today, either. Right?

I slow down my walking to try and keep myself from giving into my fear. All I want to do is run straight back to the room, but I know I need to try and be brave.

You're a big boy, so act like it. There is nothing to fear...

Besides a monster you can't see, but if you stay afraid of him, he wins. You can't let him know he can make you afraid.

My thoughts don't do a whole lot to help me feel more brave. I've always been someone who is scared. No matter how hard I try to be brave, I always find myself wanting to run away and hide. Abba is always so brave and I want to be like him. I want to protect people like he does.

'You'll never be like him. You'll always be a coward.'

No matter how much I try, I'll always be someone who can't face my fears.

'You'll never be able to protect Iris.'

No! That's not true.

I can't let myself believe that. No matter if I'm too afraid to do anything else, I'll always protect her. Even if I want to run and hide, I'll make myself stay to keep Iris safe.

Brave or not, I'll always protect I.

I'm finally close to the room, and with my focus so hard on getting back, I stop paying attention to everything around me. So, when a hand comes down on my shoulder, I jump away and barely keep myself from screaming. I don't want to turn around to see who it was that touched me until I hear Abba's voice.

"Hey, champ, I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?"

Facing Abba now, he kneels down to meet me at eye level.

"Sorry, Abba, I didn't know it was you."

He smiles softly before putting his hand back on my shoulder.

"It's okay, but how about you tell me what's been bothering you? I was actually coming to talk to you. I've noticed you haven't been much of yourself today. Is everything okay? Did something happen?"

I want to tell Abba everything. I want to ask him to help. What to do. I want to ask him so much, but I don't know if he'll even believe me. How can I expect him to believe me if I didn't even think Iris was seeing things?

He'll probably think it's my imagination.

I don't know what else to do, so I ask anyway.

"Abba, do you believe monsters exist? Like ones only some people can see?"

Abba takes a moment to think. His smile fades, but his expression stays caring.

"I think there is more to this world than what we see, yes. Why do you ask?"

I try to think carefully of what I should tell him.

"I just... Do you ever think that there could be things around us? The bible talks about demons. Do you think that they could be watching us? That they could hurt us?"

There's another pause from him, and each one makes me think if maybe I've said something I shouldn't have.

"I think that as long as we have faith in Yahweh and pray to Him, that He'll protect us. I know it can be hard and that many times, being afraid is easy, but we don't need to let that make us afraid of everything. Monsters you can't see don't have any real power, so they make you afraid so you think they do."

I want to not be afraid, but how am I supposed to stop?

"But how do you stop being afraid? I can't be brave. I try and try, but it's so hard to not be afraid."

Abba's smile comes back.

"You are so brave, Peter Kalston. Braver than I ever was at your age. I'll let you in on this little secret because I think you need to know it. It's doing what you need to when you're nothing but scared that makes you the bravest. It's easy to act when you have nothing you're worried about facing you, or even when you're a little worried about it, but it's a true step of faith when you trust God and step when you aren't sure about anything else but Him."

"Really?"

I want so much for what he says to be true, but a part of me tries to tell me it's not.

"Really. It's what Yeshua did. You remember when He was in the garden praying with His disciples, don't you?"

I nod my head.

"Well, He was so nervous about what He needed to do that He was sweating blood. You know that they actually say that is something your body does when it's so stressed or scared that the blood vessels burst. Now, I don't know about you, but I have never had that happen. Even though Yeshua was that scared to be crucified, He still let Himself be. He knew that even though His body was so afraid about everything He had to do, it was more important for Him to still do it for us all. For you. And do you know what else He did? In that fear, He prayed to God, knowing that it was only through Him that He would be able to do it. Think about that. God knew that only through God would He be able to go forward into the very thing He was that afraid of. So, anytime you feel afraid, remember that God will get you through. He'll beat up any monster you're afraid of and walk with you when you are too afraid to even stand up on your own."

I let Abba's words finally help me feel better. It doesn't take the feeling of eyes off of me or worry of what could be waiting around every corner for me, but I do let it help me know that it's okay to be afraid as long as I'm still doing what I need to. That being brave doesn't mean I feel brave.

"Is there anything else you wanted to ask?"

I shake my head, feeling better than I was. I'm glad that I could talk to him. Abba always helps me feel better.

"Thank you, Abba, I'm okay."

"Okay, well, Ema and I will be in shortly to say goodnight. Make sure you and Iris get yourselves ready for bed soon. You can stay up a little late, but be sure teeth are brushed and say your prayers shortly so you don't fall asleep before you do."

I nod my head and hug Abba before he heads down the other way off the hall, and I'm back to Iris's room.