A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 55- Can't seem to care

(Matt's POV)

We decided on a game, to not much of Ash's help again. He seems to be stuck in his ways again and not much for changing even the slightest things. This time it was the tradition of the game they seemed to have played at their Mom's house every year.

But this isn't her place, so why is he so stuck on making things harder?

'Because everyone has always catered to him.'

And they spoiled him by doing so.

'Not everyone knows better. They think they love him, but if they really did, they wouldn't go so easy on him. They'd let him toughen up.'

He clearly wasn't disciplined as a child.

I went against my better judgment and agreed with Indy on a drinking game. I should be sober in case anything happens, but she has golden boy for that.

So, I'll take the night off.

It risks word getting back to him, and getting yelled at later, but that's the furthest care from me right now. I'd much rather not have worries for tonight.

I need this tonight.

And even though I should care that the demon is back taunting Maddy again, she is the one choosing to lean on someone else.

She's the one who doesn't want my help, so let her deal with that consequence. You get what your choices cost you. That's just life.

She has Kalston...

That's her choice.

Indy explains the rules of the game before we follow her lead and put questions in a bowl to take out in turns to choose to answer or drink instead. I might have put a few in in the hopes of finding out things from Madison.

Not that she'll actually answer them.

If she wanted to lie to me earlier, then she'll most likely do so now or drink to avoid answering. That's probably what I'll do mostly. I could lie, but that's just more to keep up with, so why not let loose this evening?

It's not like there is any real threat right now anyway.

I actually do try my best not to take a drink, as I am a little cautious. Everyone takes sips so carelessly that you could assume what they have is nothing more than an average beverage, but the state they slip into tells otherwise. It's the fifth question pulled that actually gives me reason to finally take my first sip. That and my limit has finally been reached of seeing them soft on each other. I was able to avoid their moments together up to this point, but now that it's nonstop in my face, I feel myself slip further into this dark feeling of wanting to both walk out, or drag Madison out, so that it's just us and far away from him. But even then, she's the one who turned on me. So, I also want to scream at her for doing this to me.

Does she even care that I don't want to see this?

'She's flaunting him in front of you.'

She's toying with me!

"You're working yourself up."

His dark whispers in my ear remind me to fix myself. To stop letting myself get worked up over something so trivial.

I read my question out loud, and with most eyes on me, I stare at the paper instead of anywhere around. It will make it worse to see her eyes on me.

"Have you ever been in love, and with whom?"

It was one of my questions, which is probably best because if I actually heard those words from her, it would be the final hurt to push me over. I take no time to take the shot in front of me. I want it to drown out the hurt that grows anyway as I picture her lips saying yes, staring at him, and saying that name I don't want to even think of. It's so vivid that it imprints into my memory as if she did do it. Indy pours another shot in my glass for the next round, and I take it down as well.

"Oh, whoa, seems like someone's playing serious now."

Indy laughs before pouring my third shot and taking hers alongside me. Canton also chimes in.

"I'm down, fill me up, Indy. If we're staying the night, might as well party it up."

Bailey chimes in, being a downer.

"Or maybe not. Come on, guys, let's not get too carried away. Anyone that gets too wasted will be getting a ride home.

I notice her take a glance to her left, and I know it's to Madison, but I can't bring myself to see her disappointed look she most likely has on her face.

She probably hates me.

Things begin to feel off, lighter, and more extreme at the same time. Like things don't feel as serious as they were a moment ago, but if I think too hard on them, they will feel heavier.

So, I just won't think about them.

The game goes on, and it's my turn again.

"If you could go back into the past, what is the one thing you would change?"

Nope!

Another set of two shots, and something definitely begins to take hold of me. A buzz that wasn't enough before to notice, but is now. I still convince myself that I can handle myself.

It's Madison's question that finally makes me look at her. Not because of the question, but her response to something so trivial. She begins to join in on the drinking more then she was before. It's now her first turn of drink, but of course she keeps herself more civil then the rest of us.

She's always better than the rest of us.

She smiles, but I see a weight on her. She is playing unbothered again.

But why?

"That wasn't the question. She's lying again. One after another, how can you keep trusting her?"

Peter's words to Madison replace my shadow's before they have time to turn my mood even worse.

"They're watching you. They've never stopped, Darling girl, so you need to be careful of what you react to here. They'll know you're awake and take you back in."

Peter looks at me, clearly meaning for me to overhear him, and then I remember what Ash said outside.

He said someone was listening. Did he mean Zalaph? Do they have this place bugged?

'Oh, seems like someone is finally starting to think reasonably now. Of course they do.'

'There's not much you can do without letting them realize that you're not some stranger they don't need to worry about. You've stayed off the radar for now, but if you're not careful, you won't stay that way.'

That means that my actions here have to be more careful than expected. And that maybe there is a threat I need to worry about.

"Good job dropping the ball like that." Another whisper into my ear from my shadow.

I try my best to take things more seriously and stop being so quick to drown out my feelings.

Well... after this one.

I let one more question go unanswered before calling it quits on doing the same for the rest of the night. Though the more that's done, the more I want to keep drinking to forget this all. To forget all that I hate about my life and how I'm stuck playing pretend.

I never wanted this.

'Of course you did. You just don't like where it led you. Looking in again, but this time with you knowing the taste of what you're missing.'

...

I shut down because it's too much to think about right now. Not when I can't seem to shut it all off like I want to.