A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 63- Distraction

(Madison's POV)

Walking back to Kalston's place, I'm not sure how to feel. And once I'm back outside of the house, things grow worse when the one that's been following me speaks up and makes it hard not to ignore him.

"That wasn't your best move, Darling girl."

I know...

"Maybe you should choose him. He seems to care a lot about you, and I just want you to be happy. You never get to just be happy."

He does, and that's why he deserves someone who will love him first.

I love-

That thought is cut off when someone else comes to mind. Someone I begin to long for more every time he pops into my head. So, I shut down instantly.

No!

Lord, please help me. Help me to get my mind straight and to stop wanting him.

I don't know what those moments are, and no matter how much I want to let myself get lost in them, I need to stay here, in the present.

Nothing good will come from that.

'Still...'

I don't even know if those moments are real.

'You could ask him.'

I could...

No. Not yet.

I notice that I stopped my pace and try to focus back on the here and now, and head into Kalston's place. And when I get into his room to settle in for the night, Kalston instantly can tell that something is off when he comes into the room too.

"What is it, Love?" Even his grin has faded into a face of concern.

It's too much!

It's all been too much. Between the wine, the exhaustion of today feeling way too long, hurting Matt, Peter, the rest of the weight of everything lately, and this Still Fricken MIGRAINE! I've finally reached my limit and break down. This time with Kalston being there to hold me.

"Oh, Love, it's okay."

He wraps me in his arms and I fall apart completely, and know that I'm safe to. I can't even get out the words to explain why I'm crying, but it doesn't matter. He doesn't push me to and just holds me tight enough that I feel like I'm not going to fall into pieces.

I stay in his arms crying for I'm not sure how long, and at some point, he got us to the bed so that he could hold me there. And before long, there's no more tears, yet the pain and confusion of everything is still there. It doesn't feel like it's going to drown me as much as it did, but still lingers just below the surface to remind me that it could yank me under at any point.

Kalston brushes his fingers through my hair, and speaks to me in a soft caring voice.

"You don't have to open up yet if you don't want to, Love, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. I want to be that person that you can trust with anything. There's nothing that will ever scare me away from you, and I hope that you can trust me with anything that you feel you can't share with anyone else. Or even anything that you can. I want to know it all."

I want that.

I needed to hear him say that, and even though I want to tell him everything, the words won't come out.

Please, just let me tell him.

'And if he betrays you?'

He won't.

Just say it.

He put his knuckle under my chin and meets my eyes to his.

"I mean it, Love. My heart is yours, and there is nothing that could ever change that."

"You thought that you could trust someone else too, but he betrayed you. I'm the only one you can trust, Darling girl."

A whisper comes into my ear and all I can do is close my eyes to it.

Please, Lord, just take him away. Please!

Someone else comes to mind, and I can't even find escape closing my eyes now either.

So, I open them and find it the only other way I've found to. Lost with him.