A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 71- It's not me she's afraid of

(Matt's POV)

The night slips away, and I'm not sure how I even got to the couch last night, but I know I had to of at some point.

!!!

My head hurts.

The door creaks open and I jolt slightly which causes my head to hurt more. A familiar face comes past the walkway as I remain laying down. It's Madison, and instantly I feel horrible for how I treated her earlier. I get that way sometimes, and hate it everytime. I can normally handle myself, but sometimes they get to be too much and I say or do something that makes it all worse. Even without the alcohol in my system, things seem to drown me too much to think rationally at times. Very rarely, but, still, at times. The alcohol only seemed to amplify everything to make me snap easier.

Madison heads to her room and I wonder where she's coming back from. The sun is barely even up, and almost nonexistent in the house, which makes me wonder if she has even been to bed. I know she goes out for early runs at times.

Was that why she was out?

Whichever it was for, I try to go back to sleep before hearing a creak from the floor this time, and get up to notice Maddy heading back out, but this time with a bag on her back.

"Are you leaving?" I ask, confused at where she might be going packed up at this hour,

Did she say that she was going somewhere?

...no, I would have remembered that.

...or maybe not at least if it was last night when she said something.

Thinking is almost too much right now.

"Yeah. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Her response is hushed and seemingly hesitant.

I realize that everyone else is still asleep and that I should probably keep it down too. I get up, and apologize for my behavior last night.

"No, I'm sorry. I was a jerk last night. I can't remember much, but, I shouldn't have said what I did. I'm sorry, Madison."

It's true, I only remember split moments here and there of last night leading out of the game. I remember her coming outside with me at some point, and being harsh with her, but I can't recall the whole conversation, nor do I think that I want to. I'd rather leave it there and start over.

Her eyes meet mine in the dark for only a moment before she seems frightened and looks away.

Is she afraid of me?

'Of course she is. Who wouldn't be afraid of you?'

"No, I get it. It was a hard day yesterday. You were hurt, and I'm sorry if I led you on. I really do care about you..."

Her quiet words remind me of part of what she said last night and it sends a twist in my mood that I have to untie before I respond poorly again.

I made her mine when she never was...

But!

No! She deserves better anyway.

I try my best to keep my tone calm no matter how much I'm hurt.

"You're just in love with him. It sucks, but you don't owe me anything. Maybe if things were different, but I'm glad to just have you in my life. Even if it's not how I'd like. You're my Sunshine."

I can't lose her.

So, I'll take what I can get, and try my best to get over what I can't.

"Awe, how sweet."