A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 59- I Want You

(Kalston's POV)

Walking into my place with some bedding in my arms, Madison is behind me carrying some pillows. I insisted on carrying everything, but she wanted to help somehow. But, I would have been fine enough just having here with me. I lay the bedding on the couch for Canton.

"You got a nice place, man, but where's all your stuff?"

Canton brings my attention to how vacant my place actually seems. I turn to face him and Madison and look around to see how empty it does seem compared to the girls' house. I have my couch and coffee table with the entertainment system across from it, but that's about it in this room besides some shelves along the wall next to my desk and computer around the corner next to the kitchen. I'm so used to living like I will be gone at any moment that I guess that I've gotten used to only having what feels like the bare minimum. It's always been easiest that way.

"This is it. I'm just not that into much, so I don't have much."

"Well, ok, I guess. He, do you mind if I steal our bathroom for a moment?"

"Yeah. you're good, it's straight down the hallway."

He heads off, and Madison starts laying out the bedding across the couch, and I grab the other end of the sheet she's tucking into the bottom cushions and I do the same on the other. She stays mostly quiet, but smiling to herself.

Man, she's beautiful.

Once we're done, she still remains quiet for a moment before getting this particular look on her face that I'm not used to. It's mischievous in a way.

"Hey, I think I forgot something in your room earlier. Will you help find it?"

I'm pretty sure she didn't forget anything.

"Sure, Love."

We head that way, and I start to tease her because I'm sure I know where this is heading.

"You know, I don't remember you bringing anything in here. Are you sure that you didn't just want to get me alone?"

She shuts the door quietly behind her and keeps her back to it as she squints her nose up with a sneaky grin.

"That might be it, but I did need something in here."

She meets me a few feet away and I can tell that her boldness might be rooted a little more to her earlier drinks. She's not out of it, but does seem to be a little more daring than usual as she loops her hands around my neck.

I grin at her and keep my voice low.

"And what is that, Love?"

Before I know it, it's like we never left the room earlier as she doesn't answer with words.

I could get used to this. It's a thought that gets lost but is still there enough for the slight disappointment to come when she speaks back up after who knows how long.

"I think maybe we should take this slow."

And though I want it to move so much faster, I would rather take this at the speed she's most comfortable with. So, if she needs us to take it slow, then we take it slow.

"Okay, Love. I want to take this at your speed, but I can't say it won't be hard."

She lit a fire that I have to contain so it doesn't catch more than she needs it to. I leave kisses on her face that show her how I want her and that I want this no matter the pace. It's a sweet moment I'm not much used to compared to how fast paced everything in my past had been recently. But, it's nice to be able to savor these moments with her.

Things lead further again, but this time I make sure to keep them from moving too fast. I want her to trust that I will respect what she wants even if we are both wanting nothing more than to get drunk on the moments between us. I understand all too well how you can hate yourself after the fact for not staying stronger when rationality is the last thing on your mind.

"I could get used to this, Love. You in my bed. You know, you could always stay the night? I promise I'll behave if you do."

I leave it in a flirtation tone, but know that her here, laying beside me, is more than enough for me to enjoy this with her. I gently touch her face to show more of how I'm not begging for more, but taking in her presence with me.

She kisses me and surprisingly gives in. I wasn't asking because I wasn't expecting her to say yes, though I am glad that she did.

"Okay. But that means that I need to do a few things first."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, do you want me to sleep on the couch?"

I want to assume that she is saying it asus in the bed together, but her response throwing me off makes my words fumble out in confusion instead. I'm still not used to her being so quick to let down walls she had so firmly set up before.

"Your bed seems big enough for two." Her eyes and tone make it clear what I was afraid to take wrong.

I feel myself getting giddy over this, and know that I, even more so, need to be sure not to push for anything else so that she knows that she's safe with me.

"It is."

"You said you'll behave, so I trust you."

She kisses me one last time before heading off and I already feel myself missing her as I can't take my eyes off of her as she does.

I find myself checking the time too much as I go through my place to try and distract myself. Canton plays on his phone on the couch, and we exchanged a few words, but nothing worth much. Mostly enough to not seem rude, but he seems fine to stay stuck in his own life with me in mine.

Madison comes through while I'm in the kitchen grabbing a drink, and it's instantly apparent that something is different. She's not carrying the same self she left with which only becomes more clear when we're back in the room alone.

"What is it, Love?"

The question in itself seems to be the trigger to push her over the edge as she begins to cry. I walk to her and put my arms around her to help comfort her.

"Oh, Love, it's okay."

I get us to the bed so she doesn't have to stay standing, and just continue to hold her until she's ready for me to let go. Even after she's done crying, we stay there silent. I still have one arm under her as I put my hand through her hair to help ease her. When it feels long enough in the silence, I break it softly to let her know that she can trust me even with her worst. I don't want her to think that she has to hold everything in, around me. I want her to lean on me. I can assume all I want, but until she is clear about what exactly is going on, I can't know for sure how to even step into this right.

"You don't have to open up yet if you don't want to, Love, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. I want to be that person that you can trust with anything. There's nothing that will ever scare me away from you, and I hope that you can trust me with anything that you feel you can't share with anyone else. Or even anything that you can. I want to know it all."

She seems distant, so I meet her eyes to mine to bring her back to me.

"I mean it, Love. My heart is yours, and there is nothing that could ever change that."

She closes her eyes and almost seems like she's in pain.

Just please open up to me, Love.

It takes another moment before she's back with me, but in a way that feels all too close to her distracting herself then fully being here with me. I selfishly take it and lie to myself that it's for her good.

Maybe she needs this.