A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 46- I'll Pass

(Maddy's POV)

The Chaos has settled down as I stay distracted from it all. I'm lost in a world between pages again. I need to be. Someone comes into the room. It's a joined room for all us grandkids. I allow myself out of the pages enough to register that it's Zach, but pretend that I'm unaware. I'm used to being half in this world enough to be aware of my surroundings. I do it plenty at school when crossing between classes. It's actually easy when you get the hang of it, but part of it might also be my gift of empathy. I can feel others even when they aren't touching me. It's weird, but the clinic has told me there is more I can do with it that I refuse to. Something about their tests always feels wrong in a way. The times I do comply always leave me feeling icky is the best way to explain it. So, I take the penalties instead. I hate them, but they at least don't leave me feeling like I did something I wasn't supposed to. Well, besides them telling me that I have by not complying and the punishment itself, yet it still feels less as though I have. It's hard to explain, it's just different.

"He's watching you, Darling."

I know.

I can feel his eyes on me. His gaze doesn't hurt, but the uncomfortable feeling they leave me in almost feels as if it does. A lot of things in my life are like that. It's why I don't care for people touching me. It doesn't hurt but wigs me out in a way. I can tolerate it with some people enough to where it's not that much of a bother, but with others, it makes me want to shake off their touch. I wonder if that's an empathic thing to?

I don't know, but it seems like it might be. I do know that there does seem to be one person who I don't tolerate it with, but welcome it. It's even more evident when all I want is Liam back next to me. His hand back in mine.

Zach sits on the bottom bunk under me. There are a set of two, one on each wall opposite of each other. Grandpa originally made them up for my siblings and me since we stay here mostly so Mom can work, but the other grandkids are welcome to use them when they stay. And when we all do, there's some suffling around. Usually with the girls getting first pick, and the leftover guys crashing in the living room. It bugs me to know others lie in my bed when I'm not here, but it's something that's unfair of me to hold against anyone. I'm not that great of a person, I know. I'm trying to be better, but sometimes it's hard not to be selfish with certain things. Especially those that feel like they are mine even if they aren't explicitly just mine.

I ease myself back into focusing solely on my book. I'm not sure how much longer, at least more than a chapter or two, Zach gets back up and leaves.

Mom, in another few more chapters, comes and gets me, fusing as she does.

"Maddy, really? You can barely see in here. How are you even managing to read like this?"

She flips on the light, and it takes a moment for my eyes to adjust. I've been meaning to get the light once the sun started setting but kept pushing it off, I guess a little too long. I finish the last line of the page before responding.

"I'm sorry, I was about to get up. I just wanted to finish the chapter first."

"That was more than five ago."

My eyes dart to the end of my bed, staring daggers before shifting them more calmly on Mom. She seems exhausted but happy.

"Next time, how about we turn the light on before it gets too dark, please? You're not five, Maddy. You know better. Now come on, we're headed home."

"Okay, I'm coming."

I get down and head right behind Mom with my focus back on my book as I try to finish up the chapter. I could wait, but it's getting good, and I'd rather not. I don't even pay full attention to everyone loading into the car. I pick the back seat to be less disturbed. Again, eyes are on me from my right side. I push the feeling away, assuming that it's just Peter. That is, until those eyes speak up.

"You know, Ducky, you could put the book down for five minutes. It's not going to kill you."

I take a labored breath and stay with my gaze on the words before me.

"Maybe not, but why chance it?"

He laughs at that before again trying to tear my focus away from where I want it most, which begins to aggravate me. Like each time I have to stop is harder to keep from screaming in rage. I know it's rash and far from the right thing to do, but it's so hard not to. Like a balloon filling with water that's struggling hard to retain it all.

"You're right, you never know. So, are you planning to stay stuck in it the rest of the night?"

!!!

"That's the plan."

"What if I asked you not to?"

!!!!!!

"Why do you care if I am?"

"I don't know, maybe I want to spend time with you?"

!!!!!!!!!

COME ON!!! REALLY?!

Wait!

Uh? No, something seems up with that.

"Don't be stupid, Darling. He has an angle."

Yeah, I'm sure of that. Right?

What if he does just want to spend time with me?

No, that sounds odd.

"You never have before."

I officially stop reading but keep my eyes on my book so they don't have to be on him.

"Says who?"

You?

"I thought I annoyed you?"

"You do. Sometimes. But we're family. Family annoys everyone, but that doesn't stop you from wanting to spend time with them."

I mean... yeah. He has a point.

"Come on. Don't tell me you're falling for this? You're not that stupid, Darling."

I don't know... It's not fair for me to assume he's just a bad person. He can be nice, so maybe he's not as bad as I always think he is. I'm not that great of a person, and I wouldn't want someone judging me based only on the bad things I do.

"You really are stupid sometimes."

"Okay, maybe I will hang out with you guys tonight. What are your plans?"

He leans in closer than I'd wish as he whispers in my ear.

"We snagged some bottles from Grandpa's bar and thought we could have a little fun tonight."

He changes his volume back to what it was before.

"We're just hanging out in the basement like we usually do. So, do you want to join us?"

I'm not really fond of that idea, so I pass. The last thing I want is to be stuck in that basement or caught up in the mess when it eventually falls on them. Grandpa isn't someone you can easily fool, and the last thing I want is to end up on our grandparents' bad side.

"I think I'll pass, but maybe another time."

"Suite yourself, Ducky. The offer still stands if you change your mind."

"Okay."

I go back to my book, and Zach goes back to quiet as we begin to pull into our driveway.