A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 39- Someone's Always Watching

(Maddy's POV)

There is a buzzing over my body. I'm on a high, and all I keep thinking of is being back with Kalston where it's safe. I'm already ready for this day to be over. Too much feels like it's happened today, and it's as if it's been longer than a usual day with so much still to come.

I make my way to Bailey who is currently grabbing plates down while Railey sets the table. Something seems to be off with her today. Railey, not Bailey. I've been so involved with myself that it's only now that I'm noticing her demeanor is off. She's quieter than usual, and seemingly a little nervous. I would say that maybe it's all the people or even the fight that has her like this, but she's been gone most of her time here, and she loves people. Unlike Ash, who often stays gone, Railey is the one in their relationship who tends to be the talker, which is kind of a good balance for him. It helps him come out of his shell more, and gives him a buffer when he'd rather not. I know all too well what it feels like to be in a social situation you feel lost in, but have no one to be your person to help you through it. It's something you can forget after a while is a problem until you're faced with it again.

I guess it's been a while for me, hasn't it?

I think this gathering might be the biggest in nearly a year or more. The last might have been last Christmas at my sister's house with Mom and Nathan. I let the thought pass before harping on it for too long. It's not one that should affect me, but I'm exhausted of memories for now. Living in the moment is plenty enough for me..

I set down the dish I brought from Kalston's before helping grab some others from our oven. Kalston said that he would grab the others from his. Speaking of which, I hear the door open and my attention attaches right there hoping that's him coming in, but by the feminine voice I recognize, it's Bailey's sister. She seems to be in mid-conversation with someone.

I stay with my attention there while also trying to help finish setting up the food on the table.

The response comes from another familiar voice. It's Matt and I look back to see him helping Indy with some gifts. His eyes find mine and I give him a soft smile before noticing something dark flicker behind him. Not wanting to see anything right now, I turn back to the table to finish putting the potatoes down and keep my attention right in front of myself for now.

It's in your head.

Or... not, right?

Right, but let's come to that another time. Real or not, let's not worry about that right now.

I can't deal with much more, so I go back to pretending it's not there.

Once everything is set up, I take another moment to gather myself. On the way to my room, the noise seems to escalate before settling back down. Not as if people are raising their voices, but more so like more are talking. Another thing I try not to put too much thought into.

I decide to go to the bathroom instead to not raise any flags but am caught by Ash before I do. He grabs my arm to stop me for a moment and actually catches my gaze.

"Hey, it will be okay. Breathe and take it slow. I know it's a lot, but you always get through it."

His eyes dart away along with his grip before he slips something into my hand as he walks to the dining room with the rest of everyone. I don't take out whatever it is in my hand as not a flash of visual memory comes to mind, but the strong thought that I have to be careful of reading the note in public view. I even change my way to my room now instead to carefully put the paper up, but make it seem like I'm looking for something instead.

They're watching.

What?

Who's watching?

I try to think of where the thought even came from. I can't recall that much, so I trust it enough for now with having the feeling more harm will come if I don't than if I pass it off as simple paranoia over nothing. I grab my lipstick after slipping the note in the same drawer to make it seem as if that was my original intent. There's a knock at my door before it opens slightly as Matt speaks.

"Hey, Sunshine, are you okay?"

His tone shows the genuine concern he has, and I want to share with him the real reason I'm in here, but even if I trust him, I don't want to take the chance in this house that saying something to him might get to whoever I have to be careful of. So, it's a smile again and keeping things light.

I'll tell him another time.

"Yeah, sorry, I just needed to touch up again."

But maybe don't say why.

Yeah...

I hear a whisper that I can't make out from the other side of the door before the silence seems to echo frustration.

Did I do something wrong?

I don't understand the sudden shift in him, and even less sure if I should trust that there was a shift. There could easily not have been and I'm reading way too much into it. I'm really not sure anymore what to trust.

I join him in the hall and try to reassure him that there's nothing he needs to worry about.

"I'm seriously good, I'm just tired. Thank you, though, for being there for me earlier. I don't know what I would do without you."

Another soft smile, this one I try to keep more genuine. I don't want him to think I'm using him. I really am grateful for his presence in my life, and today in itself has shown me how much I need that.

I grab his hand and give it a soft squeeze before we head to the dining room with everyone else.