A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 68- An Endless Loop

(Kalston's pov)

What is this?

What have I gotten myself into?

I'm not sure how to feel about being tied up with Adeline. I knew she was trouble, and I knew that this was just a job, but it didn't stop the feelings from slowly seeping in and clawing tight onto me so now it feels impossible to let go.

Just stop!

That's what I want to do, but I can't seem to shake myself from loving her long enough to actually stop. I always seem to find myself here, at her door, hoping that she'll take me back.

I don't even know at this point how many times this makes that I've been through this loop with her. This contestant back and forth of wanting to hate her, but always finding myself falling back into love instead. I don't know why I don't just leave it. I desperately want things to be different, but I know that they never will be. We're both lying to each other, so how could I ever actually believe there could be a future for us.

Yet, here I am. This time not because I was told to, but because the silence without her was too much. The only thing I hate more than this ugly loop we've got ourselves caught in is the emptiness that waits for me when I'm out of it. I genuinely tried this time, yet I still couldn't take it.

The door opens to her apartment, and she stands there with this satisfied smirk on her face that always infuriates me. She only wears it when she wins as a slap in the face that she bests me.

"A whole week? Wow, I have to say that I'm kind of impressed. I almost thought that you meant it this time when you left."

I grind my jaw and second guess not turning back.

"Well, I could make you beg, or we call it even and let you in? But, that would mean that you would have to actually speak to me again. Or, are we just going to stay silent, and stand there stupid?"

Nope!

I can't do this again. Anything's better than this.

I turn around and decide that this really has to be it. It's normally longer before she turns like this, and I can fool myself into believing that she's changed, but, this time, I can't.

A hand grabs me as Adeline's tone shifts completely.

"Wait, I'm sorry. I just-"

I stand there, not shaking out of her grip, but also not willing to look back at her either.

"I shouldn't have said that. I was mad. I just, really thought that you weren't coming back this time. You know that I love, so thinking that I screwed up to the point that you would be gone for real this time... Just, please don't go. We can work things out, for real this time. Please, just give me one more chance."

I know that probably shouldn't, but...

This is a first.

I turn back and there seems to be a genuine look of remorse on her face.

Maybe things will be different this time.

I walk to her and her expression softens as relief settles over her.

"This is the last time. I mean it. I can't keep doing this. I want us to work, but it's not worth it if all we are going to do is hurt each other."

"Okay." A gentle smile comes across her face that always steals my heart.

She grabs my collar and pulls me down, and we find ourselves slipping into the other part of the loop we always do after we reconcile.