A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 65- Longing

(Madison's POV)

I lay there, in someone's arms, and it takes me a moment to grasp back into reality as all I want to do is linger on where my mind was and process it. This dream... That, dream. I...

The arms pull me closer in the dark, and I begin to remember whose they are, and this feeling of guilt sits at the pit of my stomach.

...

I'm a horrible person.

I don't know what to make out of that dream, but I do know one thing. Kalston doesn't deserve this. I pushed for things to move forward with us, and here I am with my heart tying itself to someone else.

'But it wasn't-'

No! That was wrong.

It was just-

No! It Was Wrong!

I stay laying there as I try my best to face what I'm dealing with. I want desperately to find a way to be innocent in this, but can't get over this icky feeling that I just betrayed the person I'm supposed to love most. I don't know if that counts as lust, but I can't say that it doesn't. Not when a part of me is left longing for someone else that isn't the one beside me.

I hate this...

I hate myself.

The thing that's worse is the delusion that's starting to set in that Liam was actually there.

Stop! It was just a dream. Nothing more, so stop thinking there was more.

Yet, here I am with this impression trying to tell me more.

But he felt like more...

And once again, I hate myself even more because of that longing pulling again before I push it out of my head.

NO!

Before I can spiral out, a phone call comes and I rush to grab it before it wakes up Kalston.

I see that it's my cousin, Kay, before I answer it with a whisper.

"Hey, what's up?"

"It's uh... Drake's getting out, and I kind of need to ask you a big favor."

I sit up more fully when noticing the strain in her voice and the seriousness of the conversation.

"Of course, what is it?"

"I'm moving out because I can't let him find us. I got a letter from him yesterday, and uh... But, I need help getting out. I have a new place, but it's not ready until Sunday, and with Alice, I don't have anyone to watch her."

Kalston watches me as I talk on the phone, and I can't bring myself to look his way.

"Well, you do now. Do you want me to come over today to help you pack and keep an eye on her?"

There is relief in her voice now as she responds.

"Really? Oh, Maddy, you're the best. That would be great, and would you be able to stay the week by chance? Just until I can figure things out more?"

A week...

That's not too bad.

"Yeah, and I'll be there in an hour or two? Do you need me to pick anything up before I'm there?"

"Actually, a coffee would be nice. I've been up all night just trying to figure everything out."

Kalston brushes his fingers across my right leg.