A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 43- Jealous thoughts turn you cold

(Matt's POV)

The way home is not so great, to say the least. I went from one monster of a passenger to another. And this one is not so easy to scare away. I'm hoping that getting back will help. Being around my Sunshine always seems to help when I have him whispering in my ear.

That quickly shifts when I am finally back, and my eyes catch Madison. She's walking out of Kalston's door and to hers.

"Looks like someone was having fun while you were away."

I try not to let him get to me, but it's hard when it's clear that she was with him. That's been the case almost all day, and each time was a struggle not to let it bother me. This time, somehow hurts worse. Almost like a knife was stuck in and twisted at knowing that while I was gone, she was sneaking away with him.

"And after what you did for her? That has to sting."

'You'll never be enough for her, so why do you keep trying?'

'It would be so much easier if you stopped caring.'

"Why keep putting yourself through this, Matthias? You could always go back to turning it off. To just us. What are you even gaining from trying so hard?"

Why do I keep trying?

Stop. (small)

Things feel like they are getting darker, colder, more to the way they usually are. My hands grow tight on the steering wheel as the temptation to turn the engine back on and turn back home lingers strongly in my desire. I don't even remember parking or turning it off. My head has become so clouded that it's hard to see past anything beyond the hurt that is souring into anger. It always turns to anger, and I would rather it be that way. It's better than the alternative.

'And how is that going to look?'

"You know you can't leave, so you're left with suffering through. You got yourself into this mess because you don't want my help. See how well that got you? You could always let me in, and I'll take over for you for a little while."

"No!"

The shout is instant to remind me why I need to do better at keeping myself from giving in to his power.

I can't let him get to me. I can't become like him. Mindless and willing to do what I never allow myself to do now. He'll take my actions from what's needed to something that shouldn't even be in nightmares.

I've seen it before. I can't ever allow that. I'm here for a reason, and if I let him take over, there's no telling what he'll do.

I allow myself a little longer to collect myself and put back on the smile I've let be what everyone here knows.

I can't seem to be different.

"Suite yourself, but I'm always here if you need me. Just say the word, and I'll be pleased to help you out of your mess."

'You can't do this on your own.'

I always have before.

Another car pulls up beside me and I notice a woman similar in looks to Bailey sitting in the driver's seat. She talks to herself: at least, that's what I assume before she opens her door and a voice comes out of the speaker, replying to her. I assume she has a bluetooth in as she continues to the back seat, continuing the conversation without even a pause.

"Kendal always drinks from the blue cup, but you can't give her the blue plate: it has to be the pink, specifically the one with the white bunny."

An irritated breath comes from the speaker before a deep male voice responds.