A Faltering self (Distorted Reality book 2)

Chapter 23- Disgust

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*Trigger warning: Mentions of Sexual assault, mental illness, alcohol, and physical violence.

(Kalston's POV)

I'm outside with the guys and rathering nothing more than to be with Madison right now. She seems to be mostly hanging around Matt, which I understand, she doesn't see him as much as me. Not to mention, the guys are a little on the crude side. I don't say anything about it, but I see how it bothers her when she's around it. It's no surprise to me. I don't think it's much of a coincidence that she seems to be staying away from me with how I have found myself mostly on Zach patrol. It's easier to keep them away from one another as she seems herself to voluntarily do so without ask, which only makes me wonder all the more what happened.

I do now though notice Madison in my place out of the corner of my eye and take the opportunity to slip away to her.

Just for a moment.

She looks up at me, her eyes weary for a moment with her posture stiff before it settles almost instantly when realizing it's me. Her smile comes and I want nothing more than it to to stay. I know how much this day is taking a toll on her, and I can't wait for it to be over.

I'm sorry, Love. I wish I could help you more.

Wanting to help ease her, I take the moment to be with her how we were earlier. To show her that I'm a place she can lose herself in and keep her safe from any worries she has. I want to be as much of a home to her as she is now for me.

I won't let anything hurt you, Love.

Again, being here with her, just the two of us, it makes me long for this to be true. That we will one day have every day in each other's arms doing the simplest things.

Please, Lor-

... please, just this one thing, Lord.

Her body leans into mine, and man, it drives me even more to want this.

"You know, Love, I could get used to this."

"And what is that?" Her tone is soft and sweet.

I put my hands around her waste and turn her to me. Grinning, I keep it soft. Real. Again, she brings out the boy that I thought would never return. It's only her that I could want to hear his name again. Her lips the only ones I'd love nothing more to hear Peter from. My mom is the only one who even calls me it anymore, but even then, it always sounds so foreign. Like the name is a betrayal of who I've become. Or more so that I'm betraying the boy with the corrupted man I've turned into.

I shut the thoughts off, and don't allow myself to get lost in self-pity. Right now I only want to focus on the good in front of me.

"You and I, in the same home. I've wondered what it'd be like if we lived together. I know we practically do with us only a wall apart, but I'd love it to just be us, in our own little world. You in my arms every night, and waking up next to you every morning."

The thoughts of her face meeting mine in the morning, her sweet eyes the first thing greeting me, or her figure laying there, still asleep with the sun peaking in on her. To head to that same bed every night together, having her to hold onto through the night instead of the cold space that's always waiting for me now.